Matchmaking

People often compliment me on my matchmaking skills. In fact, entire odes have been written about me, for example, "Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make me a Match", to name a few. It is not just a talent, it is a sixth sense.

Mine is a thorough process. It begins with three very simple questions:

1. What kind of milk do you drink?
2. Do you prefer crunchy or creamy?
3. On which side do you part your hair?

Now, once one answers these three simple questions, I custom tailor the next few questions to the individuals. For example, if I were match making myself, I would then ask the following questions:

1. Do you have an undying desire to travel the world?
2. Do you have a goat?
3. If you were a mullet, what kind would you be?

My philosophy is simple. Superficial indicators are much more telling than most think. So far, I've had great success (if you close one eye and tip your head to a forty-five degree angle) the stats are impressive. For example, Donna and Ryan went on a second date - voluntarily (eeehhh?). Matt and Cindy never even meet for their "non-date" but I am sure they will fall madly in love...or at least go on a second "non-date" as soon as Matt gets around to inviting her to ice cream. (She is brilliant....he is brilliant, prefect). All in all, I think those are pretty good stats.


Of course my ultimate dream is to make a blog match. My questions would begin something like this:

1. Do you eagerly anticipate responses to your blog entries?
2. How do you feel about foreigners?
3. If life were a series of unfortunate events, which would be your most unfortunate?

I eagerly anticipate your responses.