A Matter of Perspective

By now, most of us have had repeated exposure to this picture. We all know that depending on how you look at it, it is either an old woman, or a young woman. However, long before these types of pictures became common knowledge, the Harvard School of Business used to do exercises with them.

Initially, they would give one person a version of the picture that was definitely one perspective. So, for example, in this case, one person would get a picture of the old woman, and the other person would get a picture of the young woman. Then the two would then get together and discuss what the picture was. Naturally, each person would insist on the version of the photo that they had previously received.

As time persisted, each side would inevitably progress from insisting that their version of the picture was correct to demonizing the other person. It wasn't just that the picture was of an old woman, it became "It is a picture of an old woman, you idiot!!" Expressions of anger, disgust, annoyance accompanied this demonizing. This reaction among the students would happen time and time again. (Keep in mind this was Harvard Business School, so other reactions such as crying, beating the other person up, or choosing to be silent in the face of an insistent partner probably weren't as common as they might be among the general population).

Yes indeed, it is a natural human phenomenon. I guess the question that has been eating at me since I learned about this is, how do I overcome this? One, how do I overcome the phenomenon of demonizing someone for seeing things differently than I do? Two, how do I become the kind of human being who, rather than insisting that it is indeed an old woman, to being the kind of person who asks, why do you think that it is a photo of a young woman? Three, even if I ever get to the point where I am skilled at doing this, how do I get to the point where I don't get offended at being demonized by others when I see things differently from them? Four, if I ever am able to do all of this, how do I help other people develop this skill as well?

For now, I think I'll let other people use their own agency to determine out how they want to deal with differences, and appreciate the examples of people who are good at this. For me, I think it is a matter of practice, practice, practice. Life certainly hasn't shorted me on a plethora of situations to practice in. I'll just focus on making a little progress each time life throws a new one at me.

And by the way, it is definitely an old woman, you idiot!!

(My mom can appreciate the fact that I didn't say "stupid idiot!!" Incremental progress. That is what I am talking about.)

What You Can't See...

I don't know if any of you remember that commercial. It is from the pre-digital camera era. It is the one where this woman has a life long dream of getting a picture of herself in front of the Eiffel Tower. She goes there, finds an obliging stranger to take this much anticipated picture. She gets home and develops her photos only to find that only the very top of her forehead made it into the picture of the Eiffel Tower.



Here, we were in a beautiful cathedral on the Washington University campus where they do a yearly sing-along with Handel's Messiah. We wanted a picture with all of us and a view of the huge stained-glass window behind us. I gave the camera to a friendly, elderly gentleman sitting behind us who seemed to understand the request. I think he was pretty proud that he fit us all in (which actually was quite a feat); he just forgot the window.

Studette of the Month - December 2008

I'll admit that sometimes, I am sure that certain people who cross my path are just destiny. Jenni is most assuredly one of them. She first ended up on my radar when my good friend Jessica White wrote me a letter saying that a girl she worked with just got a mission call to my mission. Now, I must explain that Jessica is a lifer - one of those people you meet in life where you know you will be friends for the rest of your days. So if someone Jessica would associate with was going to my mission, then surely I would get along well with her. And, I realized, she'd probably come into the mission when I was about ready to train. On top of that, quite possibly my favorite elder, Elder Jensen, mentioned later that day that a friend of his - this infamous Jenni, was coming to this mission. Now I was sure that if my lifer AND one of my favorite elders both knew her, she was sure to be great.

I wasn't shy about announcing to everyone that I was going to train Jenni when she came to the mission. Part of me thinks that my mission president tried not to put her with me because I was so sure I'd train her. But alas, my premonitions were right and I was assigned to be her trainer.

Nor was I disappointed either. When we met, we quickly clicked. We both shared a love of world travel. She had lived in Russia the same semester that I had lived in Paris. In fact, some of my associates from Paris were her old roommates and I remembered them talking about how great their roommates were. We had similar friends. We both had brothers out on missions at the same time. Our families are both very grounded in the gospel. We both talk a lot, we are both laid back in the same type of way, we both love to work, we both love reading and deep, intelligent conversations, and we even share the many of the same flaws. It was one of those meetings where you are shocked at just how much you have in common. Honestly, I'd never experienced anything like it.

There are those people in life where too much time spent with them hurts the friendship, and then there are those people who you love all the more the more time you spend with them. Jenni is the second kind of person. Since she was my mission companion, we were together 24/7 for four months straight. I thought to myself on many occasions that I am sure I could have spent forever with her and never gotten sick of her, ever. Something about who she is made me want to be a better person on a constant basis.



She is a natural optimist. She naturally sees and points out the positive things around her. She takes delight in the day-to-day things that most of us take for granted. It isn't like she consciously decides not to complain, it just isn't part of her nature to do so. You'd be hard pressed to find a picture of her where she isn't smiling. (You'd be hard pressed to find moments in life where she isn't glowingly happy.)

She has a natural sense of adventure which I LOVED having around. P-days were never spent in house. We explored and played to our hearts content. But it isn't like she doesn't take life seriously. She does. In fact, I've never met anyone who LOVES to work as hard or as much as she does. I think her greatest disappointment in me as a trainer was that I didn't work her into the ground; believe me, I tried, but I can only do so much.



Jenni is brilliantly smart, but not just a brainiac, she is a well-rounded form of intelligent. She is full of wisdom and insight, has both the strength and integrity to live what she believes, and ponders to an amazing depth. Most of the things I naturally ponder, she had pondered too and come up with insights that were a step beyond what I had ever considered, and I loved it.

Some of my favorite Jenni quotes from her are "I really hope to be the kind of person that people can love more and more the more they get to know me." To me this exemplified her ability to build in herself the characteristics that really matter. She has great superficial qualities such as humor and friendliness, but beyond the facade, there is a genuinely good person full of love and integrity. Because of this, she is the kind of person you can love more and more the more you get to know her.

A quote in a similar vein is: "People always say that no one knows your weaknesses and faults like your own family, but at the same time, no one knows your strengths and goodness as well as your family either." I find this statement to be so very true. I often think that I am sure acquaintances of my mother know she is a good person, but they can't know as well as those of us who lived with her for years do how good she really is. And even then, I am sure my dad knows better than anyone.

To say that Jenni is a loving person is an understatement. It isn't like she leaves the people around her "feeling" loved, she really does genuinely love them. It is a very unselfish kind of love. I was appreciated as her companion and I could feel it.

Because she embodies all that is good, fun, happy, and enjoyable and to someone I greatly love, this months Studette of the Month is my friend and old companion, Jenni.