What's Your Secret?

Today I went and visited a woman who has multiple sclerosis (MS). She had brain surgery recently. She is blind in one eye. She and her husband can barely walk. Yet there she was, as she is month after month, with a big smile and a cheery disposition. I know I've asked her before, but I had to ask her again - how is it you stay so happy?

She told me that as a child she watched the movie Pollyanna. I've never seen it, but she says it is about a girl who always looks at the bright side. She took this to heart and for many years always looked at the bright side. That seems to be what has helped even with her MS.

She isn't my only sick friend. Not all of my sick friends are doing as well emotionally, which is why she is so intriguing. Some are also dealing with major depression.

I have two friends who are my most happily married friends. Of course I was curious about why their marriage was going so well. I am better friends with the wife. In fact, she is someone I've written about in the past, so I REALLY think she's stellar. Her husband is only months older than me and put himself through medical school with no help from a spouse. He didn't get married until after medical school was done. Early in their engagement he suggested that they make it a habit to express frequent appreciation for one another. She attributes the success of their marriage to this habit.

Combine these two people I observe and I implore you to read these two articles:

http://www.inc.com/jessica-stillman/complaining-rewires-your-brain-for-negativity-science-says.html

http://theweek.com/articles/601157/neuroscience-reveals-4-rituals-that-make-happy

So, as you can see, gratitude is HUGE for your brain and your sense of happiness and well-being. I read those two articles and have been really making it a point to be more thankful ever since.

Which of course makes me think of my last companion on my mission - the epitome of all things great. As I had written in the blog post where she was SOTM:

She is a natural optimist. She naturally sees and points out the positive things around her. She takes delight in the day-to-day things that most of us take for granted. It isn't like she consciously decides not to complain, it just isn't part of her nature to do so. You'd be hard pressed to find a picture of her where she isn't smiling. (You'd be hard pressed to find moments in life where she isn't glowingly happy.)

She also insisted that we only say positive things about each other during companionship inventory. At first I was totally skeptical, but in practice, it was just amazing. Feeling appreciated and having someone notice the things that they appreciated about you on a constant basis was AmAZinG. The odd thing was, I thought that not speaking our frustrations would cause the problems to grow. In the end, I think not saying the things we appreciate causes the love not to grow.

In conclusion, be more grateful and express appreciation in your relationships. It should turn out well.