Missing Person Report/Studette of the Month - February 2009

"I am coming out to visit you on my spring break." My sister Colette announced in a matter-of-fact manner during my second year of law school.

"Oh, great! I'd be great to have you here!" I responded. She was still in college, and living on a student budget, so I didn't know how she planned on making this proposed visit happen.

"But I have to earn up the money first." She cautioned me. "I am going to give plasma. Once I've sold enough, I'll buy the ticket."

"Great! What do you want to see while you are here?" I asked in my best hostess manner.

"I really don't care. I am out there to see you because I miss you. I want to get to know your life, see your school, meet your friends. So if we don't get to see much of anything, I don't really care. I am going to see you." She reiterated that final point many times before she came.

Colette is the queen of the five minute phone calls. She'll call on her way to the bus, between classes, just to say hi. That winter she often updated me. "I am close to buying the ticket to come visit you! I can't wait to come!" And come she did.

We did, of course, see the arch. And she met my friends, saw my school, and became acquainted with my life in a lovable way that is uniquely her own.




The first morning of her visit, I made her some breakfast. When we sat down to eat it, I apologized that it didn't have much flavor to it. "No problem." she responded. Without saying a another word, went to her suitcase and picked out a cinnamon container. She sprinkled it on her food, and then offered me some. I just laughed. She knows me that well. She left it with me when she returned home. I still can't help but laugh and think wistfully of her whenever I stumble across the cinnamon in my cabinet with the letters C-O-L-E-T-T-E neatly printed on the label.



My third year of law school she left on a mission to California. It is always a bit of an adjustment when someone close to you leaves. No more five minute phone calls while she walked to class. No more visits. No more her.

Thankfully, she comes home on February 17, and I couldn't be more pleased!! I fly home on the 21st. Coincidentally, I am taking the MA bar on the 25th & 26th (Prayers are most welcome. Trust me, they help immensely.) so I'll be able to be home!! What a lucky twist of fate. Otherwise, I may not have been able to see her till this summer. Then, finally, I get to spend a few days just relaxing and enjoying my much missed sister.

Welcome home Colette!! Life just wasn't the same without you.

F. Enzio Busche

F. Enzio Busche, emeritus member of the First Quorum of the Seventy, was born in Germany in 1930, three years before Hitler's rise to power. Fifteen years later, when World War II ended, Enzio was a prisoner of war, having been drafted into the German army at age fourteen. The war left Enzio with many questions: Is there a God? What is the purpose of life? What happens after death? In time, he learned the answers. "Yearning for the Living God" is a collection of Elder Busche's experiences - both before and after his conversion - and an account of the life-changing awakening that can come to all who search for truth in this world.

.....

My mother got this book for Christmas last year. I have a habit of picking up her books and devouring them, and this was no exception. I sat down the whole day and just read and read. It was amazing.

My mother really sought this book out. He came to speak in New Hampshire many years ago and my mother said that everyone was just walking on clouds for two weeks after. She always wondered if he'd written a book and after much searching, she found this one. Even four months after I read it, I was still digesting it. It sheds so much light on how God works with his children. I can't can say enough about how great it really is...

Lastly, I recently came across this video. Normally I don't like these sorts of things, but since this man had already had an effect on my life, I rather enjoyed it. I didn't roll my eyes once. I have already felt of his sincerity, and seen a bit of the love that those who have worked with him have felt for him. It was nice to hear his actual voice and German accent after reading his book.

Don't worry, it isn't nearly as foreboding as this picture here would seem to portray.

Recap of 2008: My Top 10 Proudest Accomplishments

Proudest Accomplishment #10 - Graduation from Law School

Snore.

Proudest Accomplishment #9 - Swearing in Ceremony

Double snore.

Proudest Accomplishment #8 - Acroyoga

Yup indeed, acroyoga. I'll be honest, I've probably only tried it about 5 times this year. But it is random, and I like random.

Proudest Accomplishment #7 - Visiting Teaching

Indeed folks, indeed. This is my old VT companion, Bonnie Pierson after she climbed over this here fence so we could visit our visiting teachee. There were no lengths we did not go through. Indeed.


Proudest Accomplishment #6 - The Regifting

I am keeping with the one picture theme, but I must say, the regifting this year was brilliant. Adam got a lovely hockey figure (as he plays hockey with me) for his birthday. Robert got the exact same hockey figure for his wedding present (also on the hockey team). I got both of them from a hockey game I went to with Raymond (also on the hockey team). They (being the local professional hockey team) gave them (figurines of themselves) to us for free. Raymond gave me his, and I gave them both away. Could it be any more perfect.

Proudest Accomplishment #5 - Decorating Jake's Truck

Oh, her face was worth a million bucks. Welcome to our craziness Mandy. Quite possibly one of the most horribly decorated cars I've ever seen, and frankly I'm proud of it. So was Jake, but don't tell Mandy. Nothing but the best for our Jake.

Proudest Accomplishment #4 - Making it to Jake's Wedding in the First Place

It was July...a few weeks before the bar exam. Who gets married in July when their friend is taking the bar I ask you!! Who doesn't plan their life around me I double ask you!!! Well, I'll forgive him only because I passed the bar. But seriously.

Proudest Accomplishment #3 - Jumping into the Ocean on New Year's Day Dressed as a Bandit

I'll be honest. It was cold. And I hate being cold. But I jumped right in, mask and all. Took the breath right out of me. But you know what? I did it, and I don't regret it.

Proudest Accomplishment #2 - My Halloween Costume

Please notice the florescent green mullet. This was Laura's brilliant birthday gift to me which I vowed I'd figure out how to work into my Halloween costume. All in all, I thought it worked out pretty well.

Proudest Accomplishment #1 - April Fool's Joke

I really didn't think anyone would fall for it, but they did, by the droves. Even though the album was named Engagement 2008, even though there were little jokes laced through the pictures...like stop signs and such. And as if that wasn't enough, I STILL get e-mails, questions, and clarifications on rumors people have heard about my engagement. It was by far, my favorite accomplishment of 2008.

Stud of the Month - January 2009

My Dear Blog Readers:

I assure you, I started with a plan.

I knew who January 09 SOTM was going to be.

Then, unexpectedly,

there was an upset;

a change in the force,

whatever you want to call it.

You will soon discover why.

(Also, on SOTM news, a few weeks ago some random guy who I did not recognize added me as a friend on facebook. I wasn't sure if I should add him or not and it turned out to be Will, the original SOTM, the Stud of all SOTMs!!! He is married now with three children. Go Will. So good to hear from him.)

And now, I bring you January 2009, Stud of the Month.

The curtain rises.

....
SCENE ONE

Setting: The scene takes place in a room full of people waiting for a meeting to start. People are still milling about while others quietly chat. It is Stake Conference meeting. Our main character is a plain, young girl, about 13 sitting on the edge of a bench. Behind her there is an older couple that she can hear, but not see. They are talking quietly between themselves but she overhears the conversation.

Please note that the girl is of junior high age, the most unkind period of a woman's life. It is a time when as soon as a back is turned, there is criticism, often within earshot. This girl is no exception, the world beyond the walls of her home is harsh and unkind.

(The girl observes a plain woman with straggly hair carrying a child. She goes to sit with her other nearly dozen children. The 13-year-old is quite unimpressed by the plain, straggly-haired woman.)

Wife: Oh, do you see Jane over there (referring to straggly-haired woman), she is such an amazing mother. She manages all of those children so well. I don't know how she does it.

Husband: I know, she keeps up with all of them right in line and is so talented on top of that. She really is amazing.

Wife: She is.

Husband: Do you see Joe over there?

Wife: Yes

(Girl looks over to see old, bald, decrepit man shuffling to his seat.)

Husband: He is such a good man. Through the years he has helped so many people. He is so kind and patient.

Wife: You know, he was always the first one there whenever people had problems. He was always so genuine and concerned. Oh, do you see James over there? (Girl turns to see a man with greasy hair and an old tattered suit.) I haven't seen him in ages. How great to see him. You know, I worked with him once, and he is so intelligent and creative.

Husband: Yes he is, he is always wonderful to have around...

(The girl sinks into her seat, astounded and refreshed. This couple is the antithesis of the world in which she currently lives. The girl decides to try to see who this couple is. She drops her pencil and slyly turns to take a peak. To her surprise, she recognizes them.)

Scene closes.

SCENE TWO

Setting: It is around 1972. A 22-year old woman, who joined The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints at the age of 18, desired a place to stay. She wanted to live with other members of her new faith, and a married couple offered her a place to stay in their home, free of charge when she was 19. The woman has now graduated and is about to move.

Woman: I just wanted to thank you so much for your kindness. What can I do to repay you?

Wife: You know we don't need anything back. Life will present you with plenty of opportunities to give to others. All we could ask for is that when those opportunities come, that you pass it on.

Scene closes.

SCENE THREE

Setting: A mother is having a conversation in their kitchen with her young ten year old daughter.

Mother: You know, in life, you will meet some incredibly giving people. In college, I used to live with the Foleys. They let me live with them free of charge. They were the type of people to constantly open their home to others. I asked them once to count up how many people had lived with them over the years. The number was close to 80.

Daughter: 80? Wow, that is a lot of people. How did that work?

Mother: Well, they used to be foster parents of babies. They had an entire binder full of pictures of the babies. Between the babies, and other people that they invited to live with them, they housed close to 80 people.

Mother and daughter have many of these conversations about the Foleys over the years.

.....

SCENE FOUR

Setting: Resumes at the end of SCENE ONE. We drop back in to where the girl is looking back at the Foleys, astonished. The mother from the previous scene comes in to sit on the bench with her family. She motions to her daughter to scoot in so she can sit down.

SCENE FIVE

Setting: January 5, 2009, an ordinary day. Chantal checks her e-mail at her computer. She sees that she has an e-mail from her mother.

Chantal: Oh, look, an e-mail from mom. She reads to herself...

Some of you may remember the Foleys. Sister Foley passed away spring of
2007. Brother Foley just passed away at 6:10 this morning.

We had gone to see him on Dec. 17th but he was in such good spirits that
I thought it might be awhile before it was his time to go. You never
know. He was 84 or 85. He just had his birthday over the weekend.

Love,

Mom

(Chantal now knows who the Stud of the Month for January 2009 will be.)

....

Because he and his wife touched the lives of my mother, me, and soooo many others; because of who they were when they thought no one was listening; because they gave without expecting anything in return, I honor the Foleys this January.

May they rest in peace.

A Snapshot of Christmas: Family, Friends, and Snow

Typical day hanging out with the family











Friends


K.L.E.B. her very self.


High school friend with her baby and step son.


Mr. and Mrs. B.


Scrappy

Snow


New Year's Eve in New Hampshire.


Does your mom wear snow pants? Mine does.



Dad snow blowing.


My feet after a brief step outside.


Sasha Hamel, Amy, and I after jumping into the ocean on New Years Day!

A Matter of Perspective

By now, most of us have had repeated exposure to this picture. We all know that depending on how you look at it, it is either an old woman, or a young woman. However, long before these types of pictures became common knowledge, the Harvard School of Business used to do exercises with them.

Initially, they would give one person a version of the picture that was definitely one perspective. So, for example, in this case, one person would get a picture of the old woman, and the other person would get a picture of the young woman. Then the two would then get together and discuss what the picture was. Naturally, each person would insist on the version of the photo that they had previously received.

As time persisted, each side would inevitably progress from insisting that their version of the picture was correct to demonizing the other person. It wasn't just that the picture was of an old woman, it became "It is a picture of an old woman, you idiot!!" Expressions of anger, disgust, annoyance accompanied this demonizing. This reaction among the students would happen time and time again. (Keep in mind this was Harvard Business School, so other reactions such as crying, beating the other person up, or choosing to be silent in the face of an insistent partner probably weren't as common as they might be among the general population).

Yes indeed, it is a natural human phenomenon. I guess the question that has been eating at me since I learned about this is, how do I overcome this? One, how do I overcome the phenomenon of demonizing someone for seeing things differently than I do? Two, how do I become the kind of human being who, rather than insisting that it is indeed an old woman, to being the kind of person who asks, why do you think that it is a photo of a young woman? Three, even if I ever get to the point where I am skilled at doing this, how do I get to the point where I don't get offended at being demonized by others when I see things differently from them? Four, if I ever am able to do all of this, how do I help other people develop this skill as well?

For now, I think I'll let other people use their own agency to determine out how they want to deal with differences, and appreciate the examples of people who are good at this. For me, I think it is a matter of practice, practice, practice. Life certainly hasn't shorted me on a plethora of situations to practice in. I'll just focus on making a little progress each time life throws a new one at me.

And by the way, it is definitely an old woman, you idiot!!

(My mom can appreciate the fact that I didn't say "stupid idiot!!" Incremental progress. That is what I am talking about.)

What You Can't See...

I don't know if any of you remember that commercial. It is from the pre-digital camera era. It is the one where this woman has a life long dream of getting a picture of herself in front of the Eiffel Tower. She goes there, finds an obliging stranger to take this much anticipated picture. She gets home and develops her photos only to find that only the very top of her forehead made it into the picture of the Eiffel Tower.



Here, we were in a beautiful cathedral on the Washington University campus where they do a yearly sing-along with Handel's Messiah. We wanted a picture with all of us and a view of the huge stained-glass window behind us. I gave the camera to a friendly, elderly gentleman sitting behind us who seemed to understand the request. I think he was pretty proud that he fit us all in (which actually was quite a feat); he just forgot the window.