Stud of the Month - April 2013

When I started working at my job my co-worker, Sarah, made the comment, "Oh Charlie, you will grow to know and love him." She had been working with him for over a year.

I struck me as remarkable that she could be so certain about this fact.  I remember thinking about it a lot that day.  What if I didn't end up thinking he was so great?  It really said a lot about this guy that she could even make a comment like that.  And it made me quite curious about this Charlie guy.

My co-worker, Andrew, also had amazing things to say about him.  To Andrew, Charlie was a mystery to be thoroughly enjoyed.  Charlie owned half of St. Louis.  Charlie might be a spy, we couldn't be sure.  Charlie never talked about himself.  Charlie could do anything.  One day, the office desk broke.  Charlie took it home and brought it back the next day all fixed.  Charlie's talents and unpredictable abilities were boundless.

It seemed the only person who didn't like Charlie was Andrew's girlfriend.  That was because she got sick of hearing about him all the time, Charlie this and Charlie that. 

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On my second day in the office I had to use Charlie's desk.  His screen saver was...unique with cartoon characters.  The picture on the wall, unique. 

Then I had to open his desk drawer.  I laughed to myself as I sifted through measuring tapes, screw drivers and exacto knives to find the post-its I needed. Later that afternoon, I noticed a framed picture - of a tractor.  I found this especially odd when I noticed that there were dusty pictures of two little girls in a cup which, interestingly enough, had a design of little tools all over it.

Did I mention that we are lawyers?

Charlie was hard to get to know.  He was always in a good mood, very funny.  There were little, tiny clues here and there about his personal life, but not much. He let on one day after several months of working with him that he lived in England.  This was the first clue he dropped.  I learned indirectly that he had a girlfriend.  When she came to visit he introduced her as his friend, much to her dismay. 

I never could figure out how he had time for a girlfriend.  There were so many nights those first few months after the fourth attorney quit that we were the only ones left in the office working till late in the night to get all the work done.  I respected the fact that he was a worker, like me.  When Charlie and I worked Saturdays, the office was incredibly quiet. Charlie isn't one for much conversation, and we were both so focused on the work.  We both plowed away at everything we had to get done and then headed home late in the afternoon. 

Despite the fact that Charlie is an enigma, Sarah's prediction turned out to be true.  There are only three of us left working in the office besides him, but all of us think the world of Charlie.  I think we would all agree that we'd do just about anything for him.

First, Charlie is not lazy.  When it comes to digging in and doing the dirty work, Charlie will do it.  He never purposely dumps a load on you. I've had this happen plenty of times with other co-workers but never Charlie.  I'll admit that in my less awesome moments I've tried to shirk the weightier work.  Not Charlie.  He is a tremendous team player.  He almost always volunteer to take the harder cases just because he is THAT kind of guy.  He is the kind of person who is the first one there, and the last to leave.  I've seen him come to work when he could hardly breathe due to a terrible cold, or move, due to over exertion on the rugby field.  Rain or shine, I've never seen him take a sick day, even if one was more than merited. 

Second, Charlie genuinely cares about everybody.  The clients, us, his father, his friends.  It took a long time to see how much he really does care, and to be honest, it is incredibly inspiring.  It really is. 

He loves his dad unquestionably.  That is the one Charlie fact that is quite certain. 

He literally does go above and beyond for the clients.  He was telling me the other day how he found a client a job.  Really?  I don't know anyone else who would do that.  But Charlie does, because he cares. 

If I have a problem, he'll work on getting it resolved.  This goes for both my work problems, and otherwise.  When my car died, who was here looking at it to see if it could be fixed?  Charlie.  When my brakes were dying, who took time out of his insanely busy schedule...even though he really, really didn't have time to do it?  Charlie.  He even texted me super late to tell me he had a coupon and then went to the store with me to get the parts.  That's just my experience.  He does the same for everyone:  the lady at the front desk (he gave her a Christmas present/get well gift when she had cancer...I, on the other hand, had no idea she had cancer despite seeing her every morning), the night shift security guard (Charlie gave him a Christmas gift last year, they are chums), he knows the name of the janitor (which, shamefully, I cannot remember despite being told a few times by Charlie).  He always takes care of the paralegals, too.

Third, Charlie is so, so funny - all the time. He is silly in a way that I struggle relating to, but he is the guy who is going to throw on the Italian or Russian accent and make light of everything ridiculous.  Honestly, he is soooo funny.  One day I was in my office giggling after receiving a message from Charlie when Andrew came in to my office.  The ensuing conversation:

Andrew: "Talking to Charlie, huh?"

Me:  "Yeah, how did you know?"

Andrew:  "Why else would you be sitting in your office laughing?"

Fourth, after working with him for almost a year, I discovered that he was a boy scout - and I probably only figured that out deductively.  I had spent the weekend with friends at a scout camp.  I was talking about my weekend and Charlie mentioned that he had spent a lot of time there in the past.  I asked if he was a scout and then it clicked, "You are an eagle scout, aren't you?!?" Of course he is.  He's Charlie. 

Fifth, on the rare, rare occasions Charlie is gone from work, I usually later discover an incredible reason.  That is one of my marks for people I deem as amazing.  You later discover that their motives and actions are 10x better than expected.  So, a few weeks ago Charlie was gone for a remarkably long time - for Charlie, anyway.  Andrew had no idea where he was.  None of us did.  Later on I met another friend of his, which only by asking questions did I discover was a fellow scout.  Turns out, that day Charlie was gone when we could not figure out where he was - he was visiting an old scout friend who was about to pass away.  In true Charlie style, he never revealed it - just quietly went about his way and I only deductively figured it out.  I just love people like that.

And as usual with my SOTM's, this is just the tip of a very amazing iceberg.  I could write so, so  much more, and if you asked me about him I could talk your ear off for hours about the amazingness of Charlie.  It has truly been an honor and a privilege to work with him.  I can honestly say I'm a better person for it. 

I understand Sarah's predictive remarks with so much more clarity now.  And to be quite honest, I'd probably make the very same remark to a future co-worker.  You will grow to know and love him.

The Sting of Disappointment

Earlier this week I was sitting in court waiting for my cases to be called and reading Team of Rivals.  It is about Abraham Lincoln and the other three men who were also ran for president in the 1860 election.  The saga I read as I waited was about how the insignificant Abraham Lincoln shockingly won the Republican nomination for president.  The book then talked about the reactions and feelings of great disappointment and hurt for each of the other three contenders, Chase, Bates, and Seward.  The empathetic side of me could strongly feel their pain.

(Edward Bates - 26th United States Attorney General)

As I walked home from court I pondered – was it worth it for them to have tried and lost?  Or would it have been better for them to have never tried, and never had to experience these terrible feelings of failure and disappointment?  I really couldn’t make up my mind as I tossed it round and round in my head.  On one hand, they had the chance to be P-R-E-S-I-D-E-N-T.  On the other hand, there was the intense hurt, embarrassment, wasted time in an endeavor that never came to fruition, bitterness, and yes, the disappointment of shattered dreams.

 (William Seward - 24th Secretary of State and ardent anti-slavery advocate.)

In favor of facing disappointment there were two things I kept coming back to.  The love of my high school and college years used to often say to me, it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.  I never agreed with him.  I thought the pain of losing was too great.  It was better to never know what you didn’t have because the hurt would be less.  Nevertheless, I fell in love, and spent years knowing the great agony of losing someone you love so greatly.  I would often ask myself in the depths of the pain, was this worth it?  Sometimes the answer was no, but more often than not, the answer was yes.  He made me human.  He enriched my life.  In fact, he made my life, even years after his great presence was gone from it.  When I cried about it, as I so often did, I would think – this is what made me human. And I cherished it. Yes, even the pain.

 (Salmon P. Chase - 6th Chief Justice of the United States)

The strongest persuasion in this inner debate was this quote which has always greatly inspired me:

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."
~Teddy Roosevelt, April 23, 1910

  (Teddy Roosevelt - 26th President of the United States)

His quote really resonates with me.  I’ve never wanted to be one of those “cold timid souls” who knows neither victory nor defeat.  The quote has always made me want to jump in, and try despite everything.  Were Seward, Bates and Chase somehow better off for trying?

I couldn’t decide.  On the other hand the disappointment they felt was for the rest of their lives.  They felt let down, and betrayed by their friends.  The pain was deep and real.  In some ways they carried that pain to their graves. I don’t want to belittle that pain.  It is real, and it hurts.  And I don’t want to belittle the experience of my pain in having loved and lost either.  I lived through all the stages of grief.  There was great numbness when I couldn’t feel anything.  There were times when I would cry every morning for months because it hurt so badly.  There were years, when I’d be driving down the highway and unexpectedly start crying because I still missed him so much that my subconscious would resurface the pain when my conscious didn’t realize its guard was down.

These emotions are real and poignant and they affect us physically.

In light of the backdrop of this inner debate I went on a date last week with a guy who took me dancing.  He wasn’t someone that caught my eye prior to going.  But on the dance floor he was amazing.  We danced all night.  It took me four days to walk or laugh without being sore, which was amazing to me because I generally run five miles a day.  I had so, SO much fun.  During the night, the live band kept announcing that they were playing again the following week.  And he kept saying he’d like to come back for that.  When he left to return home, I told him he was welcome back.  But he never came back.  He never called.  He never communicated that he wasn’t coming.  And the truth of the matter is I was really disappointed. 

I wanted to go dancing with him again.

It turns out another friend invited me this week to go to the same dance floor, with the same band, so I still got to go.  But not a single guy there could dance as well as him.  The guys with us were even worse.  It just wasn’t the same.  Last night, I dreamed that he sent me a card, unexpectedly went out of town and I didn’t get the card until the day after.  The explanation made me feel so much better, and then I woke up to my renewed feelings of disappointment. 

I’ve also been interested in a guy who just isn’t interested in me.  But he seemed to represent all that I’ve wanted to find in a guy.  But last night was stake conference, the night session.  He wasn’t there.  My guy would have been there.  I am disappointed that he doesn’t represent all that I’ve wanted any more.  The crush is shattered.

In the mornings I feel things so much more deeply.  I feel disappointed and it has all come to a head – the book, the debate, the date, the crush. 

I think I choose to go along with Teddy. 

The fact of the matter is that there is a very shiny side to disappointment.  There was an amazing love.  And even though it is gone, it did make me human.  He did love me and I did love him.  I met his wife last year.  She pulled me aside and told me how close I am to his heart.  How he kept all of my letters.  How he respects me so very much.  The fact of the matter is, the love is part of both of us, and always will be even though our life paths were never destined to intertwine permanently.  The truth of the matter is, I had a great time dancing last week.  I really did.  I’m disappointed because I did enjoy it so much.  Nothing will likely ever come of my crush – but you know what - he has still made new acquaintances, found a new place to live, and generally been noticed in a place that otherwise might have simply ignored him – because I noticed, and I cared.  I wouldn’t have even known who Seward, Bates and Chase were had they never run for office.  And you know what - even though they didn’t win, I have still been inspired and uplifted by the people that they were.  They were all fine, honorable people who I would have been honored to know.  Their lives, the way they each fought slavery, and their dedicated service to the Union have blessed my life.

Without caring, there would be no disappointment.  I chose, although somewhat trepidatiously, to care.  And I’ll take the disappointment that comes with it.

I Was a Stranger and Ye Took Me In

I LOVE, LoVE, love hosting people.  I live alone; I love the company.  I love getting to know  people.  So when my friend Alicia e-mailed me to see if I would let someone come stay at my house while she had a job interview in St. Louis, I was really happy to do it.

I didn't know who I would meet, but Lonnie would grace my life for the next four days.  She was a lovable woman.  We would chat well into the night most nights.  But again, I find the same phenomenon.  I always end up getting more than I give.  So my first blessing was company.  I had someone to eat breakfast and dinner with.  Someone who looked forward to my arrival home.  Someone with whom I can talk about my day and who enjoyed sharing an ever so brief segment of our lives.

All I offered was a place to stay.  The lodgings weren't fantastic because all I have to offer is a hide-a-bed for her to sleep on.  It isn't terribly comfortable I'm sure, but I don't have a spare bedroom or a spare bed. 

What I got back: 

• I told her I had plenty of food, but she insisted on buying me dinner on Thursday and Friday.  I also had plenty of food for breakfast, which I told her, but she bought breakfast and left most of it here. 
• Thanks to Lonnie I was able to go to a concert with a friend of mine that I wouldn't have been able to attend without her.  We all went to dinner, we ended up getting into the concert for free, and then we went to a party where we were graced with fresh fruit and homemade fudge to take home. 
• She bought me candles for my dining room, stocked me up on toilet paper, and bought the vegetable for our Sunday dinner. 
• While we were out shopping for these items, we ran into an old client of mine.  I had really worked hard to help this client while I had her case.  I gave my old client a hug and she turned to Lonnie and said - "This is a really good person, I mean a really good person."  Naturally, this compliment warmed me. 

But most of all, Lonnie is a woman with lots of faith and she shared that with me while she was here.  There are points in all of our walks through life where we are exerting a tremendous level of faith.  It is right after we have followed guidance, but before we have not yet received the realization of the faith.  That is where Lonnie is at.  I think at times this is when we burn the brightest.  We are unsure of ourselves, and living on hope until the faith is realized.  I wish Lonnie all the best and hope to see her back here soon. 

I read a book once that has greatly impacted my life, Who Really Cares by Arthur C. Brooks.  It is all about giving.  The lesson secured in my head by the end of the book was that by giving, we become more giving.  It is a cycle.  And that by giving, we become better people and more likely to give.  My birthday goal of giving is now teaching my heart that lesson. 

Today I was thinking, you really don't realize the blessings of giving, how real and amazing they are until you do it.  When you do it, that realization really sinks in and motivates you to give more. I can only hope for more opportunities to give.  Last week I had no idea who Lonnie was, this week my life is greatly blessed by opening up my home to her. 

The opportunities to fulfill the Lord's expectations also come more rapidly.  We are asked to feed the hungry, clothe the naked, comfort those who stand in need of comfort.  While Lonnie was here I got a text from a friend at 4 something in the morning asking me to come over.  She was having a particularly hard time and just needed someone to be there as she dealt with an incredible level of pain and anguish.  She apologized, but I was so glad I happen to be up and honored that she felt comfortable asking me.

Oh, I also gave a co-worker a card for his birthday and passed on a chocolate Santa that had been given to me.  When I got to my desk on Friday there was a Christmas card waiting for me from my co-workers.  One of my co-workers checked out my car (which was having problems) on Saturday and took the tires off and worked on diagnosing the problem for me. He is a consistently awesome co-worker, but he goes above and beyond. He had spent the other portion of his morning helping our other co-worker house hunt.  I love the guys I work with. 

Now I have 967 little kindnesses to go before next September!

Twarted

 

When I was in school, my brother Vince would often call and ask me how I was doing.  I would chatter away about what was going on in my life.  I soon learned that I almost had to be careful about how I answered his questions.  If I complained about my transmission not working, he'd ask how much it would cost to get it fixed.  The next day or two would find a check in the mail with the needed money.  It was an amazing example for me and I've hoped to emulate it. 

I have a friend who just had baby number four.  I asked her one day what the biggest adjustment was.  She said - all of the housework!!  The dishes pile up faster and the cleaning just seems like it is so much more. 

With my new goal of 1,000 kindnesses this year, I had thought that perhaps I could offer to help with her dishes.  This seemed like an easy way to chizzel away at my goal and fitting to her needs. 

She came over to my house a few nights ago for a design group we are both in and I suggested the idea.  Of course, she was not opposed.  So tonight I went and did her dishes. 

Of course, people feel this need to give back no matter how insistant I am that they don't need to.  She offered food - I had already eaten.  But then she offered me this lovely lamp.  It was collecting dust in her basement and it would go well with the decore in my living room.  Isn't it so cute?  I love it. 

Also, my friend Mike dropped off some scrumptious dinner at my doorstep tonight. 

And so you see, I am twarted yet again.  Two kindnesses accepted today for one given.  I try, I try - but I can't seem to beat it.

In other random acts of kindness, I did do my co-worker's dishes at work.  I still have a lot more to do!!

A few more things....

26 - Did the dishes at my brother's house and helped clean.  They were all sick :(

27 - Pass through good thing.  A friend gave me chocolate; I gave it to my sister-in-law.

28 - I'm going to be donating my old car to the Salvation Army.

I think this project is going to take more than a year. 

Such a Beautiful Day...

Some days you finish with such a glow.  Such has been today.

Slept in.  I watched the Lincoln movie last night.  A good date, with a kind and thoughtful guy.  I love those kind of guys and dates.

At church, listened to great and inspiring talks.  Listened to great lessons.  But mostly, just took in how great the people around me are and was filled with such a sense of appreciation and love for them.

Went visiting teaching with my awesome visiting teaching companion, and friend, Katie.  Was visit taught by my awesome visiting teachers.  Went with one of my visiting teachers to a Thanksgiving dinner.  We took a girl with us who is virtually homeless.  I love my visiting teachers.  Lana lives life with an amazing sense of originality and authenticity that I just LOVE.  Rebecca is shy and sweet.  I'm enjoying getting to know her.

Came back, and dad called and kept the conversation going for over an hour.  Dad never calls.  Dad hates talking on the phone.  Dad's sweet, shy nature is something I love so much.  His sweet words linger with me.   

Came home, planned my day for tomorrow.  Dug through my closet to find 'The Little Prince' to share with one of my running buddies.  I will drop it off on her doorstep tomorrow.  She will still be too sick to run.  But she will love the book, and so will her kids.  The sweet feeling in my apartment gained throughout the day is almost tangible. 

Sweet dreams to come. 

It's the little things...

 My projects for the night were working on a letter to help a friend with some injustice she is dealing with.  Still drafting that up so it doesn't count yet, but I do LOVE that by becoming a lawyer I can fight unfair things and I have some authority to do so.  It is so much better than just getting mad about it and wishing the world were a more fair place.  Don't mess with my friends.

Then spent the rest of my time working on good works number 24 & 25.

24 - Helping a friend with a traffic ticket for free

25 - sending a thank you card to someone