A Matter of Perspective

By now, most of us have had repeated exposure to this picture. We all know that depending on how you look at it, it is either an old woman, or a young woman. However, long before these types of pictures became common knowledge, the Harvard School of Business used to do exercises with them.

Initially, they would give one person a version of the picture that was definitely one perspective. So, for example, in this case, one person would get a picture of the old woman, and the other person would get a picture of the young woman. Then the two would then get together and discuss what the picture was. Naturally, each person would insist on the version of the photo that they had previously received.

As time persisted, each side would inevitably progress from insisting that their version of the picture was correct to demonizing the other person. It wasn't just that the picture was of an old woman, it became "It is a picture of an old woman, you idiot!!" Expressions of anger, disgust, annoyance accompanied this demonizing. This reaction among the students would happen time and time again. (Keep in mind this was Harvard Business School, so other reactions such as crying, beating the other person up, or choosing to be silent in the face of an insistent partner probably weren't as common as they might be among the general population).

Yes indeed, it is a natural human phenomenon. I guess the question that has been eating at me since I learned about this is, how do I overcome this? One, how do I overcome the phenomenon of demonizing someone for seeing things differently than I do? Two, how do I become the kind of human being who, rather than insisting that it is indeed an old woman, to being the kind of person who asks, why do you think that it is a photo of a young woman? Three, even if I ever get to the point where I am skilled at doing this, how do I get to the point where I don't get offended at being demonized by others when I see things differently from them? Four, if I ever am able to do all of this, how do I help other people develop this skill as well?

For now, I think I'll let other people use their own agency to determine out how they want to deal with differences, and appreciate the examples of people who are good at this. For me, I think it is a matter of practice, practice, practice. Life certainly hasn't shorted me on a plethora of situations to practice in. I'll just focus on making a little progress each time life throws a new one at me.

And by the way, it is definitely an old woman, you idiot!!

(My mom can appreciate the fact that I didn't say "stupid idiot!!" Incremental progress. That is what I am talking about.)

What You Can't See...

I don't know if any of you remember that commercial. It is from the pre-digital camera era. It is the one where this woman has a life long dream of getting a picture of herself in front of the Eiffel Tower. She goes there, finds an obliging stranger to take this much anticipated picture. She gets home and develops her photos only to find that only the very top of her forehead made it into the picture of the Eiffel Tower.



Here, we were in a beautiful cathedral on the Washington University campus where they do a yearly sing-along with Handel's Messiah. We wanted a picture with all of us and a view of the huge stained-glass window behind us. I gave the camera to a friendly, elderly gentleman sitting behind us who seemed to understand the request. I think he was pretty proud that he fit us all in (which actually was quite a feat); he just forgot the window.

Studette of the Month - December 2008

I'll admit that sometimes, I am sure that certain people who cross my path are just destiny. Jenni is most assuredly one of them. She first ended up on my radar when my good friend Jessica White wrote me a letter saying that a girl she worked with just got a mission call to my mission. Now, I must explain that Jessica is a lifer - one of those people you meet in life where you know you will be friends for the rest of your days. So if someone Jessica would associate with was going to my mission, then surely I would get along well with her. And, I realized, she'd probably come into the mission when I was about ready to train. On top of that, quite possibly my favorite elder, Elder Jensen, mentioned later that day that a friend of his - this infamous Jenni, was coming to this mission. Now I was sure that if my lifer AND one of my favorite elders both knew her, she was sure to be great.

I wasn't shy about announcing to everyone that I was going to train Jenni when she came to the mission. Part of me thinks that my mission president tried not to put her with me because I was so sure I'd train her. But alas, my premonitions were right and I was assigned to be her trainer.

Nor was I disappointed either. When we met, we quickly clicked. We both shared a love of world travel. She had lived in Russia the same semester that I had lived in Paris. In fact, some of my associates from Paris were her old roommates and I remembered them talking about how great their roommates were. We had similar friends. We both had brothers out on missions at the same time. Our families are both very grounded in the gospel. We both talk a lot, we are both laid back in the same type of way, we both love to work, we both love reading and deep, intelligent conversations, and we even share the many of the same flaws. It was one of those meetings where you are shocked at just how much you have in common. Honestly, I'd never experienced anything like it.

There are those people in life where too much time spent with them hurts the friendship, and then there are those people who you love all the more the more time you spend with them. Jenni is the second kind of person. Since she was my mission companion, we were together 24/7 for four months straight. I thought to myself on many occasions that I am sure I could have spent forever with her and never gotten sick of her, ever. Something about who she is made me want to be a better person on a constant basis.



She is a natural optimist. She naturally sees and points out the positive things around her. She takes delight in the day-to-day things that most of us take for granted. It isn't like she consciously decides not to complain, it just isn't part of her nature to do so. You'd be hard pressed to find a picture of her where she isn't smiling. (You'd be hard pressed to find moments in life where she isn't glowingly happy.)

She has a natural sense of adventure which I LOVED having around. P-days were never spent in house. We explored and played to our hearts content. But it isn't like she doesn't take life seriously. She does. In fact, I've never met anyone who LOVES to work as hard or as much as she does. I think her greatest disappointment in me as a trainer was that I didn't work her into the ground; believe me, I tried, but I can only do so much.



Jenni is brilliantly smart, but not just a brainiac, she is a well-rounded form of intelligent. She is full of wisdom and insight, has both the strength and integrity to live what she believes, and ponders to an amazing depth. Most of the things I naturally ponder, she had pondered too and come up with insights that were a step beyond what I had ever considered, and I loved it.

Some of my favorite Jenni quotes from her are "I really hope to be the kind of person that people can love more and more the more they get to know me." To me this exemplified her ability to build in herself the characteristics that really matter. She has great superficial qualities such as humor and friendliness, but beyond the facade, there is a genuinely good person full of love and integrity. Because of this, she is the kind of person you can love more and more the more you get to know her.

A quote in a similar vein is: "People always say that no one knows your weaknesses and faults like your own family, but at the same time, no one knows your strengths and goodness as well as your family either." I find this statement to be so very true. I often think that I am sure acquaintances of my mother know she is a good person, but they can't know as well as those of us who lived with her for years do how good she really is. And even then, I am sure my dad knows better than anyone.

To say that Jenni is a loving person is an understatement. It isn't like she leaves the people around her "feeling" loved, she really does genuinely love them. It is a very unselfish kind of love. I was appreciated as her companion and I could feel it.

Because she embodies all that is good, fun, happy, and enjoyable and to someone I greatly love, this months Studette of the Month is my friend and old companion, Jenni.

Picture Tag

My friend Bret tagged me. He didn't really explain exactly how the tag worked, so I am taking a stab at it. I think that you blindly pick a photo album and then a photo in the album. I had Karen pick the numbers. She randomly selected my second photo album, 43rd picture.

This picture was taken when I was in Thailand the March before I left for law school. It was a steal of a trip because it was right after the tsunami struck and they were trying to jump start the tourism economy. Well, being the altruistic person that I am, I decided to help out :) We had a couple of unplanned days at the end of the trip so a few of us took off to different places. Some people went to Phucket to see the tsunami damage, but there wasn't really any so far as they could tell. Four of us flew up to northern Thailand. We were considering going to Cambodia, and I wish we had. But this day trip was incredible just the same. We found a fantastic tour guide who took us all over to see amazing ruins, markets, and even a thai boxing school. It was an amazing day, and this is one of the buildings that I saw.

Studette of the Month - November 2008

Since today is Veterans' Day, and Amy is a Veteran, today is the day to actually write her blog entry.

Probably most of you reading this have never met her, and I assure you, you are missing out. In my second year of law school, on the first day of class I had the impression that I should move down a row to the empty seat in front of me. But I just couldn't get up the nerve to move. As it turns out, that empty seat was right next to Amy and Kristie, and by coincidence, I ended up sitting next to them in every other class I had that semester. I didn't really know them, so this wasn't at all planned. When I invited myself to their study group later that semester, we all became friends.

How was I to know that I would be discovering someone I would grow to greatly admire. There were SO many nights after class, when she would drive me to my car, and we would just sit and talk. I always walked away with such an admiration for her, for her maturity of perspective, depth of character, her good heart, and her giving nature.

Amy wears a gold-cross around her neck. Because of this, I always thought she was religious. As I got to know her better, I learned that according to Amy service "is my church." She doesn't belong to any organized religion, but she serves religiously. And her service is contagious. My last year of law school I found my self attending a plethora of charity events. I blame each of these squarely on Amy. While there, I noticed that the majority of the others there were also there because of Amy's influence. And that is just the beginning. She will literally drop everything to help anyone in need. On the occasions that I forgot to bring a lunch to school, Amy would literally split her PB & J sandwich in half and give it to me. And even with all of that, it still doesn't even begin to sum up all that she does.

It only follows, of course, that Amy is well loved. It may seem from this description that she is incredibly saintly but lacking in personality, which I assure you is not the case. I wouldn't call it wit, but I am not sure what I would call it, Amy just IS funny. I can't tell you how many times Kristie and I had to keep from laughing in class by some off-handed comment Amy said or something she did...the best part is that she has no idea she is funny.

She is hard working, but not one to shirk play either. She joins us for hockey whenever she gets a chance. She often persuaded Ashley and I to forget about the books for a while and play racket ball. She is not too bad at bowling either (actually, she is great at bowling...even has her own bowling ball).

She'll invite you over for dinner and it is always great. I have yet to study at her house without leaving with freshly backed cookies, brownies, cakes, you have it. She knits, crochets, sews, and plays the piano. She serves in the Air Force Reserves, keeps up with old friends, yada, yada, yada. But, since she doesn't read my blog, I can say this, her car is a disaster. Yup. Move the banana peels, I need a place to sit disaster. It is so endearing; quite possibly one of my favorite things about her. (Amy if you ever read this, I'll delete this part :)

In the mean time, to someone who is kind, full of integrity, and really made a world of difference in my life, and who gives of her time to serve in the military, I nominate Amy as Studette of the Month for November of 2008.

On Gratefulness

I was mindlessly waiting at the cashier's office in the county courthouse today when my eyes focused on the images stuck to the cashier's window. It was decorated with thanksgiving stickers, turkeys, etc. It clicked that Thanksgiving is only weeks away, indeed, we are in the month of Thanksgiving. I decided that this month will be a month of gratefulness on my blog.

A few years ago I picked up an old classic I hadn't read since junior high, How to Win Friends and Influence People. The first chapter which can be summed up by saying, the first virtue of being a good people person is to abstain from criticizing, condemning, and complaining ESPECIALLY criticizing, condemning or complaining of, to, or about people. At that point in my life, that chapter really resonated with me. I started to take a mental tally of how much I condemn things just in my own thought process. The outcome was alarmingly bad. I concluded that I criticized, condemned and/or complained nearly 80% of the time. Hummm. I set about to change that.

Today, by contrast, I took note of my appreciation. I noticed today that I spend a great deal of time appreciating people and things. Perhaps I both criticize and appreciate, but tend to notice what I am looking for.

Here is some of my appreciation du jour:
Today the weather was that PERFECT fall weather. Breathtaking. The street west of the botanical gardens was GORGEOUS. It was warm enough to go outside without a jacket. The bright blue skies were contrasted by yellow, orange and red leaves, which were crisp, but not yet off the trees. Tomorrow it is supposed to rain, and then all the leaves will be gone, so I especially wanted to take it all in.

I had a moment of appreciation for the people I work with; all of them. Tom, the senior partner, has a heart of gold, as does his son. I also appreciate the office manager. I love that she is family oriented and how organized she is.

When I got home Debbie was over. I love it when she comes to visit. I appreciated that Holly called. She called right when I was leaving for the temple. Since being in St. Louis, we've had a tradition of talking while I am on the 20 minute drive to and from the temple. She didn't know I was going. How does she do that? I also had a great talk with Sara. Great conversations are SO amazing, and recharging and I LOVED it. I appreciated how great it is to have friends who draw me up and bring me to higher heights.

And that is only a VERY small portion of my appreciation today. I even appreciate having things to appreciate, because sometimes, let's be honest, life presents a dearth of things to be grateful for. Not so today, thankfully.

Under Water and In the Trees

When I left to visit Nebraska, I didn't envision that I would be watching sharks swim by.



gazing at jelly fish,



or watch the eyes and nose of alligators float slowly by.



I didn't expect to wander through a desert either.



or see jungle waterfalls,



or to walk across a jungle bridge,



see monkeys,



or see a jungle at all, for that matter. But I did.

However, I did expect to see this friend, and her fiancee...and it had been way too long.