Of Love and Forgiveness

These are some songs I've fallen in love with.

This first song, I feel like it is a theme that many can relate to. I especially like the imagery of the family being observed from the perspective of the house. If you go to U-tube, you can get the story of how he came up with the idea for the song.



This second song...I don't like the video at all but I LOVE the song. In fact, I kind of think that watching the video will ruin the song. So...do me a favor, and if you are going to take the time to listen to it, don't watch the video the first time. Maybe the second time. I love so many aspects of this song. Listen it it, and if you like it too, share your thoughts with me because I'd love to hear them (you know, comment, e-mail, tell me about it next time you seem me, whatev).



Come to think of it, these songs are kind of opposites, or on two different sides of the spectrum, depending on how you look at things. One about family life falling apart, the other about founding a family (as the French so eloquently put it).

Enjoy

That They May Know to Prize the Good...

We are all different. I get that. I love running. Most people don't. It is a game of endurance. A person needs to be fairly fit to even attempt it, for starters. The feet, back, knees, hips, muscles, and heart need to be working at least decently to run. This is not the case for everyone. I get it.

But I love running.

I love the feeling of self satisfaction and respect I feel about myself when I get out of bed when I didn't want to.

I love the way my heart is still pumping hard for an hour or so after I've showered and started my day.

I love having an hour or half hour to just talk with someone while doing something so good and constructive for our bodies.

I have loved, loved, loved the friends I've made along the way; probably way more than they loved me.

I love supporting other people in their health and goals and seeing them fit, trim and happy.

I love knowing that I am doing something that is preventing many, many health problems that I am not even aware of.

I love both the direct and indirect impact this has for my well being and the well being of those around me.

But I have hardly been running at all in two years and I have missed it. I miss the company. I miss the feeling of health, I've missed the possitive impact it has on my life.

Today I got to go running, four miles. Good company. Fun run. Feel great. And I definitely appreciate it.

As I've been getting other things done today, the phrase "and they taste the bitter that they may know to prize the good" has come to mind. Sometimes, those times without the things we love are invaluable in teaching us not just to appreciate, but to prize the good.

So I've been busy prizing, and I love it.

Faith

When I lived in in Paris, I went to history museum containing relics of past civilizations. I remember walking by a completely ordinary object, I think it was a comb. In that moment, it dawned on me of just how many billions and billions of people have lived on this earth, and how tiny I am in comparison. The breadth-of-humanity-and-smallness-of-you epiphany is an important one to have, I think.

For some reason, in the past two weeks I've been thinking about this epiphany a lot. Mostly because every time I do, it also reminds me of the power I do have. To quote my journal from Paris, "I cannot correct all the wrongs of the world but I do control one small part of part of life, and that is me." So if this, my body, my life experience is all I really can, and ever will control of humanity, then I feel as if I need to make every moment count. I mean, this is MY life. MY only control. What will I (capital I) do with MY existence?

During this ongoing string of thoughts over the last few weeks, the scriptures about how he who loses his life will gain it kept creeping its way into my thoughts about MY life. The idea that if I take this one part of humanity, the only part of humanity for which I have any say at all, and give it away, that this is truly the only way to gain it. Yet another paradox of religion. Something I needed to wrap my head around.

I also tend to think a lot about the divinity of Christ and the prophets. Mostly because I have a very strong testimony of it, and largely because this belief is constantly challenged by my aethiest friends who believe that Christ has no more value than being a 'good person'.

In Sunday School yesterday we discussed Christ and how he grew from grace to grace. Tha the did not start off with the fullness. He walked by faith. We talked about his baptism, though seemingly not logically needed, how he did it. In my mind, because of faith in his Father.

This person, Christ, who we so persistently study and try to emmulate. He lived on the earth for 33 years. Many have looked to him because he taught good principals. Love one another. Serve those lesser than you. Sacrifice.

But really, it is about his divinity. To ignore this is to ignore the most crucial point. His example is deeper than just kindness. His example is of faith. He was baptized because his father asked him to. He served because the Father asked him to. He drank of the bitter cup because the father asked him to, saying something to the effect of - Father not MY will but THY will be done. He did not want to do it.

So as I reflect back from his life to MY life and MY one and only little chance at the vast, vast pool of humanity what do I want with MY life. My conclusion after two weeks of pondering the topic is that I do want to give. Give everything. But the undergirding of the whole thing is faith. Other people may chose to live differently, but this is, after all MY life. And I am choosing to give it away.

Why Faith?

My friend Christina gave a talk this Sunday about Christ. She started off talking about how she used to think that everyone had some basic knowledge of who Christ is, until she got to college. One day one of her dorm mates from China pulled her aside and asked her who was this person in all of these pictures. The pictures were of Christ. Christina was in shock that this dorm mate had no idea at all who Christ was, so they would get together and study about Christ. Her friend had compelling questions, like - why is it so important to have faith in this person...that he would accomplish what they said he would accomplish?

That question has been rattling around in my head every since I heard the talk. Really, why is it so important?

I feel like I have a pretty good idea of the purpose of my life, and what it eventually leads to. But one thing I do not fully understand is why developing faith is so important, particularly faith in Christ. I have noticed from reading the scriptures and from my life experience that faith is one of the most important things we need to develop in this life. But one doesn't need faith to learn to love, and if love is the end goal, then why do all of the angels, repeatedly testify of Christ, and work to promote faith in Christ? Why do all of the scriptures point to Christ, both the old and the new Testaments? Why does that seem to be the end goal of everything the prophets write and say?

Now you can now understand how I used to drive my mother crazy with all of my 'why' questions as a child.

I had an epiphany yesterday as I was reading an article called The Education of President Obama. The article talks a lot about the falling popularity of the president and his ability to do the things he set out to do. Having read the book Love is Eternal which is about Abraham Lincoln, it sounded familiar: the endless voices of criticism, the shallow instability of peoples' confidence and support in their president. I spent yesterday morning thinking about how important confidence and support of a people are to a President.

Isaiah refers to Christ as the 'Prince of Peace'. The Lord's Prayer refers to God's "kingdom", (Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come…). And threaded throughout the scriptures there are references to Christ coming to rule and reign. So if he is to be our king, it is important that we believe in him. He was tested during his mortality. He is now the 'tried stone' (Isaiah 28:16), someone who did actually live his life as his Father in Heaven directed and did all that the angels and prophets foretold that he would. Despite inevitable death, He still did the right thing. Based on his mortal life, we can have confidence in Him.

A Christian Response to an Atheist Perspective

I have an athiest friend who pointed out once that part of her reason for not believing in God is because so many bad things happened because of religion. This perspective gives me pause sometimes as I read through the New Testament through Christ's life. She is absolutely right that many religious people have caused a tremendous harm, however, this morning I find myself considering the following:

First, Christ, the son of God, condemns the leaders of religion in his day, namely the Pharisees, Sadducees, and members of the Sanhedrin. He was constantly under attack by them. They were always trying to trick him into saying something they could use against him.

Secondly, I always love how people will paint Christ as this incredibly kind person, who would never do anything remotely harsh. But I often feel that we construe him to be as we wish him to be and overlook the full extend of his character. It is true that he does heal the sick, blind, deaf, and did sacrifice his life for the world. So yes, he is exceptionally kind. But he was not a person without a backbone either. When it came to hypocracy, he was out and out against it. Being called a "viper" isn't exactly a compliment. He was outspokenly harsh and condescending and against hypocrites, most especially the religious leaders of his day.

Matt. 3: 7

7 ¶ But when he saw many of the Pharisees and Sadducees come to his baptism, he said unto them, O generation of vipers, who hath warned you to flee from the wrath to come?

This comes from Matthew 23

13 ¶ But woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye shut up the kingdom of heaven against men: for ye neither go in yourselves, neither suffer ye them that are entering to go in.

14 Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye devour widows’ houses, and for a pretence make long prayer: therefore ye shall receive the greater damnation.

15 Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye compass sea and land to make one proselyte, and when he is made, ye make him twofold more the child of hell than yourselves.
• • •
23 Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye pay tithe of mint and canise and cummin, and have omitted the weightier matters of the law, judgment, mercy, and faith: these ought ye to have done, and not to leave the other undone.
• • •
25 Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye make clean the outside of the cup and of the platter, but within they are full of extortion and excess.

26 Thou blind Pharisee, cleanse first that which is within the cup and platter, that the outside of them may be clean also.

27 Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye are like unto whited sepulchres, which indeed appear beautiful outward, but are within full of dead men’s bones, and of all uncleanness.

Lastly, Christ was actually killed by the religious leaders of his day. During his life they were always trying to publicly trick him. They knew or had a pretty good idea that he was the son of God. They had talked to people who had their vision healed, they had seen and witnessed what he was able to do. But they wanted him out of the way and did achieve it.

I was watching a Shakespeare play either this year or last, I cannot remember which one, and the most horrible character in the play at one point dresses up as a priest. While everyone is looking he piously reads his large bible for all to see. But the minute everyone is not looking, he is up to his rotten antics. As I watched the play I thought, this guy is the quintessential example of the people who incorrectly reflect religion.

But as a Christian, my atheist friend's arguments, although I completely see where she is coming from, do not prevent my continued belief in God. I believe that Christ is the Son of God, and he was ironically killed by church leaders in his community despite the fact that they knew he was innocent. Everything about Christ's life was done with great purpose and symbolism. And I do not think that the irony of my athiest friend's point of view was missed by God.

Giving in Your Own Way

Do you ever stop to wonder what other people think about in a day? Here are the course of my thoughts today.

While getting ready for work and driving to work:

My mother pointed out a few years ago that my father's brothers each give in their own way, but that they are both very giving. One of them will always lay out food when we come to visit and is very monitarily generous. The other gives freely of his time and will drop anything to come over and help my dad around the house when things need fixing. I used to think that one uncle was more generous than the other, and my mother's observation made me realize that they both give, but they give their own way.

This morning my mother's comment turned inward. I always used to think that I am not a very giving person because...well...I don't cook. I don't remember birthdays. I am not one to give cards or gifts or thoughtful things.  I'm not one for giving people baked things, making cards, or doing thoughtful things. But I was thinking about it, my talents, are different. I may show up a person's house week after week to teach a skill. I may run with you at 6:30 in the morning because you aren't working and I recognize that it is important to get up and have something constructive to do. I may show up night after night because you are on bed rest and I know you need company to fight the boredom. I may even consciously support you in ways you didn't even realize. But I do give, just like my previously unrecognized uncle's form of giving. This realization was comforting as I learned to appreciate my own manner of contributing to the world. It's less recognizable, but it's there, in its own way.

After my morning appointment:

I got a call on my work phone from my friend Katie.



She had voluntarily promised to clean my car last month because I had paid her entrance fee to my birthday event. But selfishly I really wanted her there, and I had enjoyed the chance to payback all of the times kind friends had paid for me when I was in school. But she insisted on cleaning my car in exchange. I had never reminded her to clean my car, and never planned to take her up on it.

Yesterday, she reminded me, "I still need to come and clean your car. I have tomorrow off and I am going to go to your work, and get your car key, and bring it to my house, clean it and return it." Sounded good to me. She called me in the morning and came in to get my key. But, as it turns out, she had brought the vacuum with her, an extension chord, and just needed a place to plug it in. I checked with my boss to see if it was ok if she could use a plug from our office.

Co-worker's reactions:

Me: Hey Boss, can my friend use a plug in the office. She is going to clean out my car and needs a plug.

Boss: Astounded. Is your friend going to clean my car too? Wandered around for the next little bit in awe that a person would voluntarily come to clean my car.

Co-worker #1: I need new friends.

Co-worker #2: Did you lose a bet?

Co-worker #3: If I were her, I would have just laid low until you forgot.

Well, truthfully, I had no intention of remembering. It was all Katie. Sometimes a person feels so undeserving of their friends. The whole rest of the day I just felt so inspired by her example and her service. I wanted to be someone who serves more. And I couldn't help but realize what a sweet person she is and I was impressed that she would make it a point to remember, because she so didn't have to. And all day that pervasive feeling of bien etre was all around. I felt more patient in traffic. I had kinder feelings towards the world in general. And that ambitious part of me wanted, with all that I am, to be the best friend my friends can have. One who is loyal, kind, thoughtful, and gives in her own way, just as Katie did.

Studette of the Month - September 2010

She is a Lifer. What is a Lifer you ask? The kind of friend with whom there are no awkward pauses if you haven't seen each other for years. The kind of friend who you know loves you despite the distance and time. The kind of friend that you respect deeply. The kind of friend who you know you'll be friends with for the rest of your life. Let me introduce you to a Lifer: Jessica.



Perhaps on paper, Jessica and I would seem to have little in common. She is from California; I am from New Hampshire. Jessica is trendy and dresses adorably; I wear hand-me-downs on a daily basis. She is a photographer, a clothing designer, super crafty and talented. She tried teaching me to make a pair of pants once...I had to seam rip them more times than I should ever admit in public.



But that is on paper...



The fact of the matter is, that the qualities that make a Lifer are loyalty, sincerity, forgiveness, depth, character, and being a friend who is somehow always there when you need them. Jessica is all of these. Tested, tried, and true.

She knew me as a Freshman in college and still loves me. She mailed me Nutty Bars once because she knows how much I love them. She was the only one with me when I reported to the Missionary Training Center. She wrote me on my mission. She lived in Salt Lake City for a few months before I moved away. She always let me stay with her when I was flying out of the country through LAX...to name a few.

Now, a little story about Jess.  One day I was reading a blog and I saw this lovely wedding. 





Imagine my surprise when I later discovered that my friend Jess had designed and made all of these brides maids dresses. Check out the very last name on this link. That's my Lifer!!