There Must Be a Reason

There is a generally known rule in the world of singledom that people aren’t just single by chance. In fact, it is commonly known that there must be a reason. We set out to figure out why the owner of this blog is single. It was an epic research project.

We began by interviewing her parents. “She has always been the competitive type.” said her father in a recent interview, “I really think she is out to beat my record.” Her mother, on the other hand, attributes it to her plain dressing. “I really think that if she would just spruce up her outfits a bit, it would help immensly. The things she wears are so drab.”
  

Her peers seem to think differently. A man who preferred to go by the unexplained codename of Mr. Pickle recently told reporters that it is because she is so opinionated. “I can’t tell you how many times she has been spouting off in a public setting about the things she can’t stand – like the time she went off about how much she can’t stand people who alphabetize their book collections right after I’d spent the last four hours alphabetizing mine!! Stuff like that doesn’t exactly help her dating life.”
 

Another peer, known to some as Mr. X, reported that her inability to return phone calls was probably the root of the problem. A recent survey, however, indicated that 55% of Chantal's friends wish that she would stop calling them. An overwhelming 85% indicated that they have started using filters so they didn't have to read her epic e-mails.
 

Recent singles ward graduate, Dave Welch, claimed that. “There is only one plausible explanation, she is crazy!! I tell her all the time, just pick one, we’re all the same, just a different serial number.” When asked about this at a recent press conference, Chantal affirmed that she is crazy but made no comment about what kind of cereal she prefers.
 

Her college friends on the other hand seem to have a different opinion. Her old roommate Heather insists it is because her intelligence is intimidating. However, Elliot refuted this by pointing out that her keys are permanently lost. He further points out that even if she found a man, she’d probably lose him. Jake S. insists that it really boils down to the fact that she is an overt man-hater. Mrs. Abboud, a not-so-recent addition to their tight knit group, disagreed vehemently stating that the whole man-hater thing was all a misunderstanding and that Chantal is actually a decent human-being. Chantal confirmed that she currently has no idea where her keys are.
 

Her life long friend Kristi S. recently told the press that it really boiled down to the radiance. “I’m telling you, before we were juniors in high school, we realized that our overwhelming radiance was the source of all of our problems.” Kristi was unable to explain how this radiance phenomenon did not prevent her from getting married.
 

Recent law school friend, Mark T. reported that she spends way too much time in the library. "I tell her all the time, if she ever wants to get married, she can't be in the library every Friday night. I am only here because they pay me!" However, her ex-boyfriend Chad scoffed at this idea. "I got engaged on my hour break between studying for finals. It can be done. She just lacks determination." Chantal looked like she was about to cry at the suggestion of spending less time in the library.
 

Shaun, a friend from her college days recently explained that it boils down to TMA – too many aptitudes. However, in a recent statement Chantal simply said, “Um…have you tried my cooking?” And for those of us who have, we’ll leave it at that.