http://rodneysmith.com/blog/I fell in love with the photo above a month or so ago. It is so artistically perfect. But the writing intrigued/troubled me. The statement, though beautiful, did not resonate as true with me. It has been a long-standing debate between me and a friend whether it is better to have loved and lost, or never loved at all. And here, the picture claims it is better to be married and divorced than to never have been married at all. I have always wanted to believe this, but I don't. It is a romantic notion that doesn't square with my life experience. It is stressful and damaging to experience loss.
I read a study today that solved the internal debate for me.
"...in terms of health, it’s not better to have married and lost than never to have married at all. Middle-age people who never married have fewer chronic health problems than those who were divorced or widowed."
"New research shows that when married people become single again, whether by divorce or a spouse’s death, they experience much more than an emotional loss. Often they suffer a decline in physical health from which they never fully recover, even if they remarry."
However, the article does point out that "[t]he health benefits of marriage [are] documented by a wealth of research."
I also found this fascinating:
"In a series of experiments, scientists at Ohio State studied the relationship between marital strife and immune response, as measured by the time it takes for a wound to heal. The researchers recruited married couples who submitted to a small suction device that left eight tiny blisters on the arm. The couples then engaged in different types of discussions — sometimes positive and supportive, at other times focused on a topic of conflict.
After a marital conflict, the wounds took a full day longer to heal. Among couples who exhibited high levels of hostility, the wound healing took two days longer than with those who showed less animosity."
See here for NY Times Link.
A link to the University of Chicago Study is here.
[Take home message, choose careful whom you marry. When you marry don't have acrimonious fights. Guard carefully the health of your loved one....if not out of altruistic love for their health, than for the sake of your own health! :)]
4 comments:
Hi Chantal,
I read your latest blog...marriage isn't always a bed of roses it is a lot of work to maintain a relationship and keep it from getting stale and old and I think it is easier to get married when you are younger and as a couple your more or less grow up together. I have supported my husband in all his endeavors as he has with me. Even when it takes him tons of money to go to law school and strive to pass the bar...i still support him...
I wonder if the longer people are single the more difficult it is for them to share their life with another person without feeling a sense of FEAR like they are losing a part of themselves? I have especially seen this in young men who aren't realistic in their expectations of finding a mate...and then all the sudden they find themselves middle aged, not as cute as they once were and they are alone with not as many options as they had when they were young and foolish.
Love is a good thing, it makes one happy and fulfilled...and finding someone to share your life with and sticking together until the bitter end is the refining part of life,
I enjoy reading your blog...you are a remarkable young woman who has a great attitude and insight into life...
Patti/Pandora
Such great comments Patty, thanks for sharing. I totally agree that marriage is one of life's refining experiences.
I have LOVED getting to know you and your family. You are such warm, kind people. The Spirit is very strong in your home. I have loved seeing how temple marriage is such a strong basis in your family. I really have felt that in your home. Congratulations on your new grandson!!
I love Rodney Smith photography!!!! He did a show at BYU that was remarkable and I still think about time to time.
Interesting debate on marriage. It has made me stop and think quite a bit. I don't think I can even begin to verbalize my thoughts since it is something I've thought so much about while enduring the pain of divorce in our family. However, in the end when it is all said and done, I still believe it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all, even if it is a detriment to your health. That is the beauty of love. It is not selfish. It is worth the risk and requires faith and the atonement of Christ to endure and also to overcome.
Wow, all very interesting. Poignant thoughts from Angela. I think I agree with her, but then again I don't plan on losing Kevin, other than to death. Hmm. I'll be thinking more about this.
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