Studette of the Month: September 2014

This morning I rushed out of the house dressed in a black pencil skirt, black heels, and a black shirt.

I was thinking of her just the day before I heard that she had passed away.  I had thought of her comment so many years ago about how she had learned not to pray for charity because some outlandish thing would always happen that would leave her regretting it.  I had thought that was a funny thing to say.  But what I appreciated about it, was her honesty.

Today I found myself five minutes late to her funeral, trying to slink inconspicuously into the very back row.  As I sat there looking at the crowd of people, there were so many familiar faces. 

She had been in the Stake Relief Society when I was relief society president in the singles branch in 2007.  The legacy she leaves with me was taught during a ward conference all those years ago.  The stake leaders had come to a meeting with us before church.  As usual, I was late and disheveled.  When it came her time to teach, she pointed out that being late was rude, and why it was rude.  As we continued with the meeting, my second counselor was young, only 19.  I had picked her thinking that since she wasn't leaving for college and didn't really have a job, that she would have lots of time to devote to the calling.  As any green leader learns, this is not a good idea.  Every meeting I had, it seemed she dropped the ball.  I didn't know what to do about it. 

This meeting was no different.  My counselor had planned a meeting with her committee and she reported that it had fallen through.  Mona looked directly at me and said, 'This is a teaching moment, and I am going to teach you how you handle this.'  She looked at my counselor, and rather than just accepting that nothing had happened, she asked follow up questions.  'Why didn't the meeting happen?'  No one showed up at the meeting scheduled for after institute.  'Why didn't anyone show up?'  As she dug deeper and deeper, she helped my counselor break down the problem and find where she was failing to be a leader.  Mona taught her with a directness I've almost never seen before or since.  Mona then  committed her to do it differently next time and to report next week. 

Her teaching was so direct, it was almost hard to take, but it was perfect, and most importantly, it sunk in.  I've used the principle she taught that day in my leadership since.  Even more so, I've used it in my job nearly everyday with my clients.  It just isn't often that someone teaches you something that does actually change your life.  But Mona did.  I've thought about this teaching moment very often.

At the lunch after the funeral the old relief stake society president came and found me.  I told her how meaningful this experience had been for me, and she reminded me of how they had learned and taught us about the importance of keeping the onus where it needs to be when it comes to leadership. This is such an important life lesson, and it is a hard one to learn.

I had been in several presidencies before law school.  I knew before I got to law school that I would be relief society president at some point while in law school.  But of all the times in my life to have this responsibility, it came at the most busy time of my life.  I was right in the middle of law school and under tremendous pressure.  I had so little time, and so few emotional reserves with which to give.  I knew that the Lord was well aware of the timing of this calling.  I knew He knew what was on my plate, which I found most perplexing.  Why now when I had so little to give?

Mona's husband, Chuck, was the branch president at the time.  He is a very laid back man, and the perfect branch president at that time for me.  I always figured that being relief society president meant hours of service and visiting with people.  But this was not the case.  He often counseled me to let the visiting teachers do their jobs and that I was only a back up if it was too much for them.  When meetings were more than my schedule allowed, he counseled me not to go.  He taught me not to step forward when I expected I would be asked to be at the forefront of serving.  When my natural inclination would have driven me to serve myself, he wisely counseled me to let others do the job. 

It was an unexpected education, but it was an amazing education about serving the Lord in the Lord's way.  It was hard to shelf my empathy and let the people who were in place to serve, serve, but it was the entire purpose of the timing of that calling I believe.

As I came up to Chuck in the reception line after the funeral he extended me a huge hug.  I haven't seen him in many years.  But the bond from serving together is still there.  He'll be in my prayers for  a long time; I know too well how deep his pain will be. 

I'm grateful for the work Mona did while she was here, it has made a permanent impact on my life.  May she rest in peace.