"It's so hard to be face down on the arena
floor, but if you open your eyes when you're down there and take a minute to
look around, you get a completely new perspective of the world. You see
more struggle - more conflict and suffering. It can make you more compassionate
if you open your eyes and look around while you're down there."
When Nikki dropped off this
book for me to read, she sat down in my living room and we caught up on life.
Her uncle had just died a few days before, and she described to me how she
could hardly even drive back from Colorado when she heard the news because she
was crying so hard. It felt like a piece of her was gone. When she got home,
for the first time in her life she has absolutely no motivation to do ANYtHiNg.
This was something she had never experienced before.
As I sat there listening to
her I had tears streaming down my face. Just a few days before a guy I had really liked broke up with me - so my emotions were especially sensitive. In
hearing about her pain I could empathize on a level that I normally couldn't.
It was like I could feel her pain. So when I read the bolded text above, it
really rang true to me. When you are down, you can understand the struggle in
others better. (It seems I read Brene Brown's books whenever I've just gone
through a break up. I read Daring Greatly after my last break
up.) Honestly though, I think that is the perfect time to read them because it
gives you a sense of purpose as you lean into your pain and cope with it in a
healthy way.
"Hurt is hurt, and every time we honor our own struggle
and the struggles of others by responding with empathy and compassion, the
healing that results affects all of us."
This
book is about how to get up after you have chosen to be vulnerable and fallen
down.
"Choosing
to be vulnerable involves risk, which means you have a likelihood of failure.
Heartbreak and hurt is part of the process."
Here are my favorite quotes
from the book:
"If
we are going to put ourselves out there and love with our whole hearts, we're
going to experience heartbreak." pg. xx
"The
problem is, when we stop caring what people think and stop being hurt by
cruelty, we lose our ability to connect." Pg. 4
"But
when we are defined by what people think, we lose the courage to be
vulnerable. Therefore, we need to be selective about the feedback we let
into our lives. For me, if you're not in the arena getting your [rear] kicked,
I'm not interested in your feedback." Pg. 4
"Fortune
may favor the bold, but so does failure." Pg. 4
"Courage
transforms the emotional structure of our being." Pg. 5
"Creativity is the ultimate act of integration - it is
how we fold our experiences into our being."
I
LOVE this concept. Creativity is the process of integration.
"Humans are feeling machines that think."
"When you are on your path,
the universe will conspire to help you."
"Experience and success don't give you easy passage
through the middle space of struggle."
"Experience doesn't create even a single spark of love
guy in the darkness of the middle space. It only stills in you a little bit of
faith in your ability to navigate the dark."
The following quotes really made me think. I sometimes don't
hold up my boundaries where I should, and I often think of it as a good thing.
But my mother, who is one of the very finest people I know, holds her
boundaries, and as I thought about it, all of the best and happiest people I
know do. They aren't unkind, but they are kind to themselves too, and they hold
their boundaries. She tells some great stories about how she processed and
arrived at these truths.
"How can we expect people to put value on our work when
we don't value ourselves enough to set and hold uncomfortable boundaries?"
"We don't judge people when we feel good about
ourselves." P. 117
"There is no integrity in blaming or turning to it's not
fair and I deserve. I need to take responsibility for my own well-being."
"I'm not good enough and I'm better than you are two
sides of the same coin. Both are attacks on our worthiness. We don't compare
when we are feeling good about ourselves; we look for what's good in others.
Self-righteousness is just the armor of self-loathing."
"As miserable as resentment, disappointment, and
frustration make us feel, we fool ourselves into believing that they're easier
than the vulnerability of a difficult conversation."
"What boundaries do I need to put in place so I can work
from a place of integrity and extend the most generous interpretations of the
intentions, words, and actions of others?"
"Integrity is choosing courage over comfort; choosing
what is right over what is fun, fast, or easy; and choosing to practice our
values rather than simply professing them."
"I am going to be generous in my assumptions and
intentions while standing solidly in my integrity and being very clear about
what's acceptable and what's not acceptable."
"Hold people accountable for their actions in a way that
acknowledges their humanity."
"People learn how to treat us based on how they see us
treating ourselves."
"If I don't put value on my work and my time, neither
will the person I'm helping."
"Boundaries are a function of self respect and self
love."
"Even
on the rare occasion when living BIG leaves me feeling vulnerable, I'm still
left standing squarely in my integrity."
"Expectations are resentments waiting to happen."
Anne Lamott
"As I lay in bed that night, my curiosity showed up, as
it often does, as a prayer."
P 161
I love this.
May you always do for others and let others do for you.
Bob Dylan
"Wholehearted was is as much about receiving as it is
about giving."
P 179
Trust - choosing to risk making something you value
vulnerable to another person's actions. P. 198
Power - the ability to achieve our purpose and effect change.
P. 201
"We are most dangerous to ourselves and the people
around us when we feel powerless." Pg. 201
"Hope is a cognitive process!!!" Pg. 202
"Hope is a function of struggle."
"Sometimes the most uncomfortable learning is the most
powerful."
"We can't compartmentalize our selves. We have to put
our whole selves on the table, good, bad and ugly."
Nikki and I were discussing
the book on our run this morning, and we agree. This book along with Daring
Greatly should be on a must read list for everyone.
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