Moroni 8:26
...perfect love, which love endureth by diligence unto prayer...
It seems that so many of the people I love so much have lost their faith in God and it breaks my heart. Why does it break my heart? Because I know Him, and I know how much He loves them. I've felt it for them.
I once had a roommate who was angry at God. Her father had just died. She is a girl with a huge heart and it was broken when her father died. Understandably. Her anger was turned on God. Even if there was a God, she was angry at him. Every morning I would go running and then I would come home and study the scriptures. Each morning I would get inspiration for little notes that I would leave on the mirror for her in our shared bathroom. Though I was the writer, the inspiration was of a higher power from someone who really loved her. I knew that. But she was mad at Him. He who loved her so very much.
One day she and her boyfriend were discussing how they didn't believe in Him. It wasn't my place to tell her that I know He is real and so very aware of her. He cared about her bad days. He knew her kind heart and he loved her for it. He still does. She believed in Him again for a little while, but yet again, she doesn't. It breaks my heart in the same way it does when good friends feud. You know both of their beautiful hearts and wish they could figure that out about each other. But what I learned from her is that God loves us anyway, even when we don't believe in Him. The inspiration to comfort her didn't stop because she was upset with Him, even if she couldn't recognize the source.
I have another friend. Wow. In all my life I have never felt the love of Heavenly Father so incredibly strongly for anyone. It is deep and real and true in a way I really wish he could understand. But there is self-loathing on his part. And though love can be true, the receiving party needs to be able to accept it as true. Just about every week for the last 15 years I've put his name on the temple prayer rolls. One day, I can only hope he can know just how unconditional God's love is - not just for humanity - but for him. Because what I learned from him is that God sees our worth even when we don't.
Max's mother had not gone to church since Max was 8. He is 12 now. She has started coming back which thrills me to no end. Maybe she will keep going. Maybe she won't. I hope she will. I'm that friend still quietly praying, holding my breath at a distance, hoping things will turn out. Influencing when I can. It may be years, but the prayers and silent support are still there. Tonight we were up until 11:30 working on a miserable project and it ended with a big hug and her saying I was there for her whenever she needed me. It is my prayer that I could be and if not that someone else will be. I love her and truly want what's best for her. Even if that means patience for years and years.
But tonight I was thinking, what if that were me? What if I stopped believing? I hope that someone would be there, either patient with my hurt, or my anger, or my lack of perspective and remind me that He is real, His love is pure and unconditional in an incredible way. And that His love for humanity is great, yes. but His love for me, is real and forceful. I just hope someone wouldn't let me forget that. And if it isn't their place to tell me because of my own lack of faith at that time, I hope they will still be willing to follow the promptings they get for me, because I will still need them.
Moroni 8:26
...perfect love, which love endureth by diligence unto prayer...
No comments:
Post a Comment