Saturday, September 12, 2009
My sister Colette sent this to me. The woman's sentiments about how her mission made her wish that she had spent her life being less selfish really resonated with me. When I talk of my mission, I try to be honest about the fact that it was really, really hard. The world is harsh, but the exposure really softened me and made me wish that my life prior to that time had been less me-focused. It is a sentiment that I still carry strongly with me. I set all sorts of goals for doing loads of community service when I got back. This reminded me of the person the mission made me realize I wanted to be.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
31 Life Lessons
Well, today is 09/09/09, and you know what that means, tomorrow is my birthday, of course. Last year I considered writing 30 pieces of advice, but I thought that seemed patronizing, like I somehow knew all of the answers to life, but I don't, I assure you, but these are a few things that life has taught me.
(1) Most of the time, there are no substitutes for life experiences. You just have to go through it to understand. Life is not a spectator sport. Empathy and genuine compassion are bred by experience.
(2) Pushing through the hard times is critical for progression. Your life experiences will not change you if you do not persist through them. It is always tempting to quit, but don't.
(3) Know that in life, you will experience pleasure and pain, sickness and health, love and loneliness. Embrace all of them, because there is a purpose to all of it. Life will not always be full of pleasure, and life will not always be pain.
(4) Heavenly Father really does get it, he really does. There is a plan, and all the pieces fit far more perfectly than we can comprehend right now. Faith, faith, faith. It is a powerful thing. Choose to hang on, you won't regret it, at least, I haven't.
(5) Specific prayer is amazing. I think all people who know that God exists start here. But the trick is not to pray for what you want, but to ask him what He wants, and keep at it for a few weeks and follow the answers you get. This is faith, not a magic 8 ball or a genie, but spiritual work for which there is no substitute. The answers do come, even if you think you are too scientific to ever believe in such things. If He is, the truth will be discoverable.
(6) 'If you will, it is no fairly tale.' Theordore Herzl. I couldn't agree more. He was talking about the gathering of the Jews, but Heavenly Father, angels, spiritual promptings, answers to prayers, miracles, they are real, so very, very real. But if you don't have faith, it seems like a fairy tale, but it isn't.
(7) Effective communication is critical for fulfilling human relationships. It is a life skill well worth practicing.
(8) Do hard things, it is important to know that you can do it.
(9) The more you exercise self-control, the better you get at it.
(10) Education is more important than money. You can take it with you anywhere and its effects last longer. Developing critical thinking skills are well worth the investment.
(11) There is nothing romantic about being poor. I don't care what people say. Financial security is worth every ounce of self-control. It brings peace, harmony, freedom, and the power to dream and fulfill those dreams.
(12) With that said, there is something powerful and healthy for humans to work and honestly gain their income...and even if it wasn't about income, there is intrinsic value in work.
(13) The truth matters. Appearance is not reality.
(14) Living your values is about a kabillion times harder than talking about your values.
(15) Sleep is very, very important.
(16) In the end, balance is the key to happiness and it shifts depending on your life situation. Learning what the new balance when life changes is key.
(17) Take time to unwind after doing major things. Maybe this doesn't apply to anyone else, but it has really hit home for me this week. My past: I flew in from Thailand and New Zealand and in both instances went to work the next day. I used to take night trains from different parts of Europe and walk into class the next morning with my travel back pack on, unload and start taking notes. I flew home from Nantucket last month, dropped my bags off and went straight to work. I drove all night last week and went to work the next morning. Now I am drained, drained, drained. Take home lesson - take the time to unwind. Otherwise, you lose the balance, and it is not a good thing.
(18) Take time to smell the roses. This was my take home lesson from Paris that I struggle on a daily basis to apply. It was the happiest time of my life. I took 13 credits, normally I took 18 or more. My goal was to smell the roses everyday. It was AMAZING.
(19) Life is not black and white. There are a million shades of gray. To simplify it to black and white is to miss the nuances.
(20) Being able to effectively prioritize is critical to success.
(21) Reading scriptures daily is the best habit I ever set. I feel very strongly that everyone would benefit from making it a habit.
(22) Purity does matter. There is an integrity to it that is powerful.
(23) You have to have to give. This was one of my many take home lessons from law school. You have to have to give.
(24) I used to believe that we should always believe in the best in people...and most of the time that is true. But hey, everybody is different. Know that there will be exceptions here and there, but people are good.
(25) Everybody thinks they are good at heart. I have yet to find an exception, and I often work with prisoners.
(25) It is easy to be "mature" when you are not emotionally invested.
(26) Meet vulnerability with vulnerability.
(27) Good people are often not very charming at first, because they are sincere. They don't put on appearances so they can selfishly gain affection. But at the end of the day, they are worth their salt. When second guessed, they prove out.
(28) Have dreams.
(29) True love does what is really best for people. This is my mantra.
(30) In moments when you feel like maybe you are crazy or the only sane one on the planet, go with your gut. You are probably right.
(31) People have as much variety in their emotional build as they do in skin color. The sun might burn one person and tan another. Things might roll off one person's back that may devastate another. To expect everyone to be build the same, is simply not recognizing reality for what it is.
Well, there you have it. The accumulation of 31 years of life experience. And going back to number 1, all of these lessons of mine are pointlessly written, because experience is a much better teacher than a blog.
(1) Most of the time, there are no substitutes for life experiences. You just have to go through it to understand. Life is not a spectator sport. Empathy and genuine compassion are bred by experience.
(2) Pushing through the hard times is critical for progression. Your life experiences will not change you if you do not persist through them. It is always tempting to quit, but don't.
(3) Know that in life, you will experience pleasure and pain, sickness and health, love and loneliness. Embrace all of them, because there is a purpose to all of it. Life will not always be full of pleasure, and life will not always be pain.
(4) Heavenly Father really does get it, he really does. There is a plan, and all the pieces fit far more perfectly than we can comprehend right now. Faith, faith, faith. It is a powerful thing. Choose to hang on, you won't regret it, at least, I haven't.
(5) Specific prayer is amazing. I think all people who know that God exists start here. But the trick is not to pray for what you want, but to ask him what He wants, and keep at it for a few weeks and follow the answers you get. This is faith, not a magic 8 ball or a genie, but spiritual work for which there is no substitute. The answers do come, even if you think you are too scientific to ever believe in such things. If He is, the truth will be discoverable.
(6) 'If you will, it is no fairly tale.' Theordore Herzl. I couldn't agree more. He was talking about the gathering of the Jews, but Heavenly Father, angels, spiritual promptings, answers to prayers, miracles, they are real, so very, very real. But if you don't have faith, it seems like a fairy tale, but it isn't.
(7) Effective communication is critical for fulfilling human relationships. It is a life skill well worth practicing.
(8) Do hard things, it is important to know that you can do it.
(9) The more you exercise self-control, the better you get at it.
(10) Education is more important than money. You can take it with you anywhere and its effects last longer. Developing critical thinking skills are well worth the investment.
(11) There is nothing romantic about being poor. I don't care what people say. Financial security is worth every ounce of self-control. It brings peace, harmony, freedom, and the power to dream and fulfill those dreams.
(12) With that said, there is something powerful and healthy for humans to work and honestly gain their income...and even if it wasn't about income, there is intrinsic value in work.
(13) The truth matters. Appearance is not reality.
(14) Living your values is about a kabillion times harder than talking about your values.
(15) Sleep is very, very important.
(16) In the end, balance is the key to happiness and it shifts depending on your life situation. Learning what the new balance when life changes is key.
(17) Take time to unwind after doing major things. Maybe this doesn't apply to anyone else, but it has really hit home for me this week. My past: I flew in from Thailand and New Zealand and in both instances went to work the next day. I used to take night trains from different parts of Europe and walk into class the next morning with my travel back pack on, unload and start taking notes. I flew home from Nantucket last month, dropped my bags off and went straight to work. I drove all night last week and went to work the next morning. Now I am drained, drained, drained. Take home lesson - take the time to unwind. Otherwise, you lose the balance, and it is not a good thing.
(18) Take time to smell the roses. This was my take home lesson from Paris that I struggle on a daily basis to apply. It was the happiest time of my life. I took 13 credits, normally I took 18 or more. My goal was to smell the roses everyday. It was AMAZING.
(19) Life is not black and white. There are a million shades of gray. To simplify it to black and white is to miss the nuances.
(20) Being able to effectively prioritize is critical to success.
(21) Reading scriptures daily is the best habit I ever set. I feel very strongly that everyone would benefit from making it a habit.
(22) Purity does matter. There is an integrity to it that is powerful.
(23) You have to have to give. This was one of my many take home lessons from law school. You have to have to give.
(24) I used to believe that we should always believe in the best in people...and most of the time that is true. But hey, everybody is different. Know that there will be exceptions here and there, but people are good.
(25) Everybody thinks they are good at heart. I have yet to find an exception, and I often work with prisoners.
(25) It is easy to be "mature" when you are not emotionally invested.
(26) Meet vulnerability with vulnerability.
(27) Good people are often not very charming at first, because they are sincere. They don't put on appearances so they can selfishly gain affection. But at the end of the day, they are worth their salt. When second guessed, they prove out.
(28) Have dreams.
(29) True love does what is really best for people. This is my mantra.
(30) In moments when you feel like maybe you are crazy or the only sane one on the planet, go with your gut. You are probably right.
(31) People have as much variety in their emotional build as they do in skin color. The sun might burn one person and tan another. Things might roll off one person's back that may devastate another. To expect everyone to be build the same, is simply not recognizing reality for what it is.
Well, there you have it. The accumulation of 31 years of life experience. And going back to number 1, all of these lessons of mine are pointlessly written, because experience is a much better teacher than a blog.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Star Party, Perseid Meteors, and Grubfest
Photo scource
My uncle David told me years ago that the best time to go star gazing was on August 10-13th. I have never forgotten. When I woke up August first I was ssssooo excited because it is time for my annual stargazing tradition. And of course, there was the star party.
The Museum of Science in St. Louis has an awesome star party on the first Friday of each month (except for November and December). You go into the planetarium, pick out a mat, lay on the floor, and learn about the night sky. If the sky is clear, you can go out and look through telescopes furnished by members of the St. Louis Astronomical Society. I LOVE it.
Tonight I got to see Jupiter and the craters on the moon through a variety of telescopes.
Next week (August 14th) we are having our third annual Grubfest. This year the stars will start shooting at 9 pm. Normally you have to wait until after midnight to see much. The moon will be bright, so you may only see 30 or so per hour. That is a real bummer, but hey, not every year can be as great as the one where we gazed at the stars in a bull field.
The reason star gazing is so great in August is because of the Perseid meteor showers. That was something I learned tonight. I never knew the name, just the time of year. Happy stargazing to all, and to all a good night.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
For Laura, Before and After Take Two
Laura pointed out that my before and after pictures from design hop were spread a little too far apart, so here is a close version of the before and after. For me, the before and after is even more drastic...but I have no pictures. The first time I came to this house, I ate lunch on a flimsy card table in the kitchen with a window curtain doubling as a table cloth. That was literally it, besides a stack of foul smelling furniture stacked in the corner of the living room waiting to be thrown out.
When I moved in I brought these two student-style couches and the rocking chair. (I covered one couch in this orange cover to protect it from Max.)
JT and Ben removed the old stack of furniture from the living room when they helped move me in. (Thank you both so much!! AND thanks to Jason, Liza, Ben Allen, and Karen.)
Then Bret single handedly helped move this furniture in from St. Vincent de Paul. Little Max moved the couch cushions in like an ant moving a disproportionately large leaf. Watching him made me laugh.
When I moved in I brought these two student-style couches and the rocking chair. (I covered one couch in this orange cover to protect it from Max.)
JT and Ben removed the old stack of furniture from the living room when they helped move me in. (Thank you both so much!! AND thanks to Jason, Liza, Ben Allen, and Karen.)
Then Bret single handedly helped move this furniture in from St. Vincent de Paul. Little Max moved the couch cushions in like an ant moving a disproportionately large leaf. Watching him made me laugh.
The Debate is Solved
http://rodneysmith.com/blog/I fell in love with the photo above a month or so ago. It is so artistically perfect. But the writing intrigued/troubled me. The statement, though beautiful, did not resonate as true with me. It has been a long-standing debate between me and a friend whether it is better to have loved and lost, or never loved at all. And here, the picture claims it is better to be married and divorced than to never have been married at all. I have always wanted to believe this, but I don't. It is a romantic notion that doesn't square with my life experience. It is stressful and damaging to experience loss.
I read a study today that solved the internal debate for me.
"...in terms of health, it’s not better to have married and lost than never to have married at all. Middle-age people who never married have fewer chronic health problems than those who were divorced or widowed."
"New research shows that when married people become single again, whether by divorce or a spouse’s death, they experience much more than an emotional loss. Often they suffer a decline in physical health from which they never fully recover, even if they remarry."
However, the article does point out that "[t]he health benefits of marriage [are] documented by a wealth of research."
I also found this fascinating:
"In a series of experiments, scientists at Ohio State studied the relationship between marital strife and immune response, as measured by the time it takes for a wound to heal. The researchers recruited married couples who submitted to a small suction device that left eight tiny blisters on the arm. The couples then engaged in different types of discussions — sometimes positive and supportive, at other times focused on a topic of conflict.
After a marital conflict, the wounds took a full day longer to heal. Among couples who exhibited high levels of hostility, the wound healing took two days longer than with those who showed less animosity."
See here for NY Times Link.
A link to the University of Chicago Study is here.
[Take home message, choose careful whom you marry. When you marry don't have acrimonious fights. Guard carefully the health of your loved one....if not out of altruistic love for their health, than for the sake of your own health! :)]
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Before and After; Thank You Design Hop
I live in a lovely house....
That just didn't seem quite complete.
So I called Dana the Designer. Dana runs the "Design Hop" Enrichment Group in my old Relief Society.
And come they did.
And painted...
And designed...
And sewed...
And organized....
And when it was done....
It looked lovely...
The curtains are especially great because they figured out the design and sewed the curtains while they were here.
As you can see from the before and after, they did an FANTASTIC job. They did all of this in just a few hours. Talk about synergy. Many great thanks.
That just didn't seem quite complete.
So I called Dana the Designer. Dana runs the "Design Hop" Enrichment Group in my old Relief Society.
And come they did.
And painted...
And designed...
And sewed...
And organized....
And when it was done....
It looked lovely...
The curtains are especially great because they figured out the design and sewed the curtains while they were here.
As you can see from the before and after, they did an FANTASTIC job. They did all of this in just a few hours. Talk about synergy. Many great thanks.
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