The Glow

When I was in high school attending early morning seminary, I used to have this impression that I did not understand. The impression was that I was a child of the light. I had no idea what a child of the light was...it was just an impression that often came during early morning seminary. However, after a day of exposure to filthy language, watching drug deals go down in the hallways, and trying to avoid conversations full of sexual innuendos, I often felt like I was just weird for having that impression. It was not until my mission, I think, when I came across the phrase 'children of the light' in the Bible. I was excited to find it, and a little taken aback at the accuracy of this impression that I had never understood.

While in college, I had a particularly intense religion class. It was the only religion class I ever liked. We had three hours of reading per class. But when the reading was done, I often felt like I was glowing from the inside out. I often wondered if it was something people could see...or something I just silently felt.

It was not until years later while living in Salt Lake that I was confronted by my friend Cris. We were at an activity and he bluntly asked me why I wasn't married. Before I could answer he went on and on about how I had all of these great qualities "and you just glow!" he concluded. It is one of the few times in my life when I consciously remember feeling my face turn crimson. Between dealing with my own embarrassment and the shock of the first indication I'd ever had that the glow was something other people were aware of, I mumbled something that made no sense and tried to find an escape the awkward situation.

The glow is not always there, of course, it comes and goes in greater proportions. One of the times it was the strongest was during my Paris study abroad. I've never been so completely satisfied. I remember thinking that the Lord knows me down to my deepest desires. How amazing that He would grant those desires from time to time.

Probably the happiest moment of my life took place in Port Bou Italy. It is a tiny fishing village just over the border of France beyond Monaco. A few of us had decided to take a day trip there during our school break. My friends and I were skipping rocks on the Mediterranean. I was so filled with this happiness that I asked Nicola, our French TA, if he had ever felt completely happy. He said no. Something was always missing. Like here, Nicola was enjoying himself, but he missed his wife. He concluded by saying that he didn't believe that anyone could ever be completely happy. I wished I could tell him, but you can't tell people things they are not ready to believe. I was completely happy - down to the very core of who I was. It was a satisfaction that was not situationally dependent. It came from the inside out.

A few days prior to that, while basking in this silent glow, I had visited Monaco. Monaco is sort of like the Las Vegas of France. It attracts materialism on every inch of its soil. So there I was, this plain American girl wearing jeans, sneakers, and a fleece with my hair pulled back in a plain old pony-tail. I was a nobody in a sea of faces with nothing to be jealous of. But I was so happy, from the inside out. As I watched the lovely women with high heels and expensive fur coats go by, I couldn't help but think that in all of their array, what they were looking for, what every human being longs for is happiness. And I, the plainly dressed, 21-year-old who had never known great wealth or prestige had it. And all of the mink coats and expensive cars could not buy this.

On my mission, my last area was in Perpignan, France. I had an amazing companion. She was someone who had the glow more intensely and more naturally than I did. And I loved it. The glow is contagious. If you have it, you can spread it. If you are around people who have it, you can get it...if you don't get caught up in tearing them down. Anyway, she had it - strongly. Though we were constantly rejected and torn to shreds by the general public, we were so resilliantly happy. The intensity of the peaceful happiness was a fulfillment of what the deepest part of me had always believed was possible. Happiness, indeed, joy, is so real it is almost tangible.

There are days when I am intensely drained of energy that I realize that my normal self would be exceptionally obnoxious to me just then. There is nothing worse than moments of sadness to realize that there are people on this earth who are sincerely happy.

I guess what has gotten me thinking about the glow again lately is that last week it started coming back in greater force. I am never entirely sure what controls its ebbs and flows. But the other day I got up early, prayed sincerely, had an amazing scripture study, the Spirit was strong. I made it to the gym, read the paper, studied for the bar, did my homework, and was generally consumed with love for humanity and the desire for the well-being of others. I couldn't help but realize that the glow was back, and how great it feels.

I would guess that my next few blog entries will be more introspective than interesting or entertaining. That seems to be an effect of the glow. It creates a quiet contemplation and a deeper inner satisfaction. My life stills. My comprehension of everything seems to deepen and the feeling of bien etre (well being) permeates.

Traditions

My great-grandmother was born in 1900 and grew up in the shadows of Bunker Hill Monument in Boston. She was the only child of Doctor Allen and grew up attending finishing schools and those sorts of things. I have recently discovered that, unbenownst to my great-grandmother, there was a covert group of people who had a yearly tradition of jumping into Boston Harbor on New Years Day. In fact, the tradition started years before my great-grandmother was even born. I don't have any reason to believe that she ever participated in that tradition or even knew about it. However, there were pictures of people from her time period jumping into the icy Boston Harbor.

Fast forward a little over a century to New Years 2008. My sister, Ginette, and I were both home for Christmas break and decided to break the annual tradition of dull New Year's Eves and headed to Boston. We ended up running into several people we grew up with and were invited to join them for the 'Polar Bear Plunge'. Ginette and I were quite excited to go.

When we told mom, she refused to believe us until she saw it for herself. (It seems that my yearly tradition of April Fool's engagements is beginning to catch up with me.) Well, for those of you who join my mother's scepticism, I offer the following exhibits:

Exhibit 1: Before the plunge

(Bandits: Chantal, Luke, and Ginette)

Exhibit 2: The Plunge



Exhibit 3: After the Plunge

(Luke, Chantal, and Ginette soaking wet)

Anyone up for next year?

The Quiet Stillness of the Morning...

I woke up late this morning. It is Thanksgiving, and I felt no need to hurry out of bed and jump into my day. There was something different about this morning from many other mornings for the past couple of years...the ideas. I used to be a person who woke up in the morning to ideas, people I should write notes to, things I should do, quiet nudgings came throughout the mornings. It was just the way things were before law school and I never thought much of it. I used to keep little post-its and notebooks by me through out the day in order to keep track of all of the thoughts, promtings, and ideas that would come on a regular basis. The margins of my college notebooks are filled with notes of thoughts that came during classes or while studying. But with the intensity and anxiety of law school, my mornings for the last few years have been waking up and focusing on accomplishing the tasks that needed to get done.

So, if there is one thing I am thankful for this year, it is the quiet stillness of the morning in which I know that God is real. It is at those times when I am most aware that He loves me and everyone around me...down to the details of their lives.

Happy Thanksgiving to all.

My Other Hobby

There Must Be a Reason

There is a generally known rule in the world of singledom that people aren’t just single by chance. In fact, it is commonly known that there must be a reason. We set out to figure out why the owner of this blog is single. It was an epic research project.

We began by interviewing her parents. “She has always been the competitive type.” said her father in a recent interview, “I really think she is out to beat my record.” Her mother, on the other hand, attributes it to her plain dressing. “I really think that if she would just spruce up her outfits a bit, it would help immensly. The things she wears are so drab.”
  

Her peers seem to think differently. A man who preferred to go by the unexplained codename of Mr. Pickle recently told reporters that it is because she is so opinionated. “I can’t tell you how many times she has been spouting off in a public setting about the things she can’t stand – like the time she went off about how much she can’t stand people who alphabetize their book collections right after I’d spent the last four hours alphabetizing mine!! Stuff like that doesn’t exactly help her dating life.”
 

Another peer, known to some as Mr. X, reported that her inability to return phone calls was probably the root of the problem. A recent survey, however, indicated that 55% of Chantal's friends wish that she would stop calling them. An overwhelming 85% indicated that they have started using filters so they didn't have to read her epic e-mails.
 

Recent singles ward graduate, Dave Welch, claimed that. “There is only one plausible explanation, she is crazy!! I tell her all the time, just pick one, we’re all the same, just a different serial number.” When asked about this at a recent press conference, Chantal affirmed that she is crazy but made no comment about what kind of cereal she prefers.
 

Her college friends on the other hand seem to have a different opinion. Her old roommate Heather insists it is because her intelligence is intimidating. However, Elliot refuted this by pointing out that her keys are permanently lost. He further points out that even if she found a man, she’d probably lose him. Jake S. insists that it really boils down to the fact that she is an overt man-hater. Mrs. Abboud, a not-so-recent addition to their tight knit group, disagreed vehemently stating that the whole man-hater thing was all a misunderstanding and that Chantal is actually a decent human-being. Chantal confirmed that she currently has no idea where her keys are.
 

Her life long friend Kristi S. recently told the press that it really boiled down to the radiance. “I’m telling you, before we were juniors in high school, we realized that our overwhelming radiance was the source of all of our problems.” Kristi was unable to explain how this radiance phenomenon did not prevent her from getting married.
 

Recent law school friend, Mark T. reported that she spends way too much time in the library. "I tell her all the time, if she ever wants to get married, she can't be in the library every Friday night. I am only here because they pay me!" However, her ex-boyfriend Chad scoffed at this idea. "I got engaged on my hour break between studying for finals. It can be done. She just lacks determination." Chantal looked like she was about to cry at the suggestion of spending less time in the library.
 

Shaun, a friend from her college days recently explained that it boils down to TMA – too many aptitudes. However, in a recent statement Chantal simply said, “Um…have you tried my cooking?” And for those of us who have, we’ll leave it at that.

My Latest Hobby

If right now you are thinking rrrrrriiiiiiigggggghhhhhhhttttt, then clearly we are friends. I always thought yoga was wierd until my old roommate, Rachel, talked me into trying it to shake up the daily running routine. It turned out to be amazing for streching and strength-building but truthfully I haven't done a stich of yoga since then - until this past Saturday. I am generally up for whatever so I agreed to give this yoga thing a try without much hesitation. (The acrobatics part was never mentioned.) I really had no idea what I was getting into, but I'll be honest, it was pretty cool. So Cindy, next time you are really struggling with that video game addiction, think acroyoga.

(The same goes for Brien and his narcisistic behaviors, Adam's need to write poetry about twistie ties...actually the image of Adam and Brien doing acroyoga is quite funny.)

Disclaimer: The people in the video are the founders. NEEDLESS to say, the acroyoga normal people do is much milder.

Monks...

If you have been keeping up with the news lately, you are probably aware that there has been some ruckus in Myanmar (otherwise known as Burma) lately. Strangely, much of the ruckus involves protesting monks. This seems vastly different from the image most of us probably have of monks quietly meditating in a pagoda. That is not to say that monks don't meditate in pagodas...but, they are much more multi-faceted than that.

Prior to traveling to Thailand I had drained my local library of any and all books on Thailand. Many of them covered topics like prostitution, culture, architecture...and monks. I was fascinated to learn that a great majority of Thai males enter the monkhood, even if it is just for a three month period. In fact, their king, at the time, had once been a monk (as well as a jazz music composer.)

Once I arrived in Thailand, I bought a paper and learned that the monks were protesting. If I remember correctly, they were protesting because a company had been admitted to the stock exchange that sold alcohol. The monks were protesting this moral decline.

Well, to make a long story short, this is what I discovered about monks:

There are smart, sociable monks (This one spoke English and was quite friendly, but when we tried to talk to him about the Olympics, he had no idea what we were talking about. I don't think they keep up with the news.)








And ones that chat on the job...


(I mean really, aside from the shaved head, primitive brooms, and robes, they are just like the rest of us.)














There are lazy monks...and hard working monks....




















(I hope nobody tries to steal the jade budda on his shift.)

In short, though more multi-faceted than is commonly thought, monks are human just like the rest of us. In fact, being human is one of the essential requirements for becoming a monk...in case you were wondering. Below is a list of the questions they must answer before being ordained, complete with a list of desired answers:

• Do you have Leprosy? (No)
• Do you have boils? (No)
• Do you have ringworm? (No)
• Do you have tuberculosis? (No);
• Are you epileptic? (No);
• Are you human? (Yes);
• Are you male? (Yes)
• Are you free of debt? (Yes);
• Are you released from government service? (Yes);
• Do your parents permit you to become a monk? (Yes);
• Are you 20 years old? (Yes);
• Do you have your robes and your alms bowl? (Yes).

(http://www.chiangmai-chiangrai.com/becoming_a_monk_in_thailand.html)