The Things I Forget

My funny moment of today. Though Max is 12, he has not yet been baptized. In fact, he just started coming back to church two weeks ago. I've thought that he probably needs some scriptures, and that maybe he'll need to get some from the library until he gets some of his own.

Today I was surprised to see he had some. 

A nice set even.

Me: Max, did you get those scriptures from the library, or are they yours? (Thinking they must be from the library, but maybe he bought some?)

Max & Mom: Oh, funny thing about those scriptures, you should see who gave them to him. Look, they even signed on the inside cover!

They open the cover and show me and it says - "To Max on his 8th birthday. Love, Chantal"

....Stunned because I tooootally do not remember getting that for him...

Me: .....hahaha. No way, it's from me! Oh, I totally didn't remember that I gave that to you. (I'm normally horrible at gifts of any kind.)

We are all laughing about this.

I even had his name engraved on the front. 

Mis En Place

I read an article a while ago about this notion about Mis En Place

French for 'put in place'. 

It is the first thing they teach students in cooking school, 

and for some, the article said, 

it becomes a way of life.

The article completely piqued my curiosity

about Mis En Place

See an explanation of mis en place here.

I've been trying to apply this principle

to my life

To adopt it as a life style

Application Example:

Tonight I made my list of things to do

Like I try to do nearly every night

(Because I learned in my Learning How to Learn class on www.coursera.org

That the ideal time to make your list of things to do for the next day at night before you go to bed

because your brain will process how to get that list done while you sleep

And I'm all about letting my brain do the work whilst I sleep.)

I've learned over time that the first step to an effective list of things to do is

the list

And the second step is 

the organization and prioritization

of that list

And the third step is sort of a mis en place principle

of getting everything you need to accomplish that task

on that list

(For example, if you need to call the utility company

Your list says call the utility company

then next to it is the phone number

and next to that is the account number

Now everything you need to do that task is there

And in my experience

procrastination goes way down)

So tonight I made my list

Then prioritized my list

And organized my list

And added all of the things I needed to complete the tasts

And put my running clothes out

And laid out my outfit for tomorrow

My food for the week was made on Sunday

And the letter I need to give to my neighbor is by the door

And the book I will read in court is in my purse

And the thank you card I want to write is in the book

And when I get to work

My list of things to do is already there

Because I read one time that you should always end your work day by writing your list for the next day

Because the next day when you get to work, you don't waste time trying to remember what you needed to do

So, every once in a rare while

I get organized

And I just enjoy it
Because life gets messy
And it's nice to know that for a few moments
I had it together.

The Strange Thing About Being You

I met someone recently who was saying that inevitably in life things go awry. That's just the way it has always been. "Just watch and see!" she exclaimed, "Something will go wrong. That's just the way it always is with me. I am always that one bizarre exception."

I sat there thinking, that is definitely not the case with me. I mean, certain things will predictably go wrong. I will get lost. I'll burn a meal. I'll lose my phone or my keys, I have my trials that come up from time-to-time, but otherwise, things don't go wrong as a matter of course.

And she wasn't making it up either. She kept telling me stories of these outlandish things that happened to her. Things that totally weren't her fault. She followed the rules, and as luck would have it, in story after story, her twist of fate was just unfortunate.

My twist of fate is a little different. I have this strange phenomenon that tends to occur more and more as my life is more in order (i.e. live closer to the Spirit). This was especially prevalent while I was a missionary. It was so uncanny. As any good piece of literature has threads running through it, or themes, so is my life. These threads or themes will typically be present for about two weeks. Then the theme changes. During the time of each theme, I will usually run into people who are uniquely suited to this recurring theme. And the books I will read - they all lend to this cohesive theme.


For example, on this last trip I was reading a book about a newspaper editor who kept his paper going throughout the war. He detailed his struggles to both establish and maintain his right for independent news reporting. I was captivated by his struggles to fight the new democratic government who was trying to control his paper the way things were done during the Yugoslavia communist days. It got me thinking and pondering freedom of the press.

I had the book on my lap during my flight from Austria to Sarajevo - and who did I sit next to on the airplane but a man who was a war correspondent for 18 years and who knew the author. Yes, yes he did.

We spent the rest of the airplane ride talking about news, freedom of the press, Bosnia, politics, and the Balkans and he was fascinating.

And you may think, well, you were on a plane headed to Sarajevo, so the odds of you meeting a person who knew him in a city of 300,000 are not too bad. But a seasoned war correspondent who spoke English, had covered the Bosnian war, and of all of the people on the plane he was assigned the seat next to me, and who was also willing to talk to me for the entire flight? Come on.  And things like this - totally unplanned, are not  out of the ordinary.

Did I mention that when we got to Croatia we were stopped by a radio reporter who was doing a piece on whether or not people thought the press was free in Croatia? And that it also happened to be  Free Media Day? The reporter recorded our entire conversation as we spoke about freedom of the press in Croatia. I asked her a lot of questions.

Well, today was my day for returning my library books. Being the dutiful citizen I am 3/4ths of the time, I returned my Bosnia books. When I originally checked out these books, there was one book that I had seen in the list of books about Bosnia - one about the forensics of the Bosnian war. Not knowing much about the Bosnian war before leaving, I didn't opt to get this book.

However, while we were going through the museum about the mass genocide in Srebrenica, Bosnia I realized I wanted to read that forensics book. The one picture from the museum that really made me realize I wanted to was a picture of a huge warehouse full of evenly spaced blue tarps, and each tarp had a skull, bones, and clothing of a body they exhumed. Oh my goodness. What an awful task. The recordings further explained that they have primary, secondary, and tertiary graves, so piecing together bodies that may be found in multiple sites (sometimes up to seven) is difficult. Even though it has been 20 years since the war, they aren't done yet. It made me think of the forensics book I had chosen not to borrow and I made a mental note to borrow it when I got home.

Well, wouldn't you know that as I returned my old books the librarian seemed incredibly knowledgeable about Bosnia. NBD, he lives in St. Louis, and he is a librarian. They are smart people and we have lots of Bosnians here. I shouldn't be surprised.

I asked him to help me locate this book. All I gave him for clues was that it had something about forensics and Bosnia. He looked for a while and came up with nothing, but finally he found it. I went to get the book and then came back to him to check me out.

Wouldn't you know - of all of the librarians on this entire planet - this guy has a morbid obsession with genocides. He has done a great deal of reading about Bosnia. He has even  read up about ones all over the world. Did you know there was one in East Timor - of all places? Well, they stopped it before it became mass genocide, he said.

I just left the library chuckling to myself. Of course, of course the random librarian who checks me out while I get my Bosnian forensic book has a morbid obsession with genocide. It is a coincidence, but these instructive coincidences happen all the time - when I am in tune. I think many of us probably have strange things about being us. I don't know what yours are, but I suspect there are patterns of some sort that run through your life, too.

What's Your Secret?

Today I went and visited a woman who has multiple sclerosis (MS). She had brain surgery recently. She is blind in one eye. She and her husband can barely walk. Yet there she was, as she is month after month, with a big smile and a cheery disposition. I know I've asked her before, but I had to ask her again - how is it you stay so happy?

She told me that as a child she watched the movie Pollyanna. I've never seen it, but she says it is about a girl who always looks at the bright side. She took this to heart and for many years always looked at the bright side. That seems to be what has helped even with her MS.

She isn't my only sick friend. Not all of my sick friends are doing as well emotionally, which is why she is so intriguing. Some are also dealing with major depression.

I have two friends who are my most happily married friends. Of course I was curious about why their marriage was going so well. I am better friends with the wife. In fact, she is someone I've written about in the past, so I REALLY think she's stellar. Her husband is only months older than me and put himself through medical school with no help from a spouse. He didn't get married until after medical school was done. Early in their engagement he suggested that they make it a habit to express frequent appreciation for one another. She attributes the success of their marriage to this habit.

Combine these two people I observe and I implore you to read these two articles:

http://www.inc.com/jessica-stillman/complaining-rewires-your-brain-for-negativity-science-says.html

http://theweek.com/articles/601157/neuroscience-reveals-4-rituals-that-make-happy

So, as you can see, gratitude is HUGE for your brain and your sense of happiness and well-being. I read those two articles and have been really making it a point to be more thankful ever since.

Which of course makes me think of my last companion on my mission - the epitome of all things great. As I had written in the blog post where she was SOTM:

She is a natural optimist. She naturally sees and points out the positive things around her. She takes delight in the day-to-day things that most of us take for granted. It isn't like she consciously decides not to complain, it just isn't part of her nature to do so. You'd be hard pressed to find a picture of her where she isn't smiling. (You'd be hard pressed to find moments in life where she isn't glowingly happy.)

She also insisted that we only say positive things about each other during companionship inventory. At first I was totally skeptical, but in practice, it was just amazing. Feeling appreciated and having someone notice the things that they appreciated about you on a constant basis was AmAZinG. The odd thing was, I thought that not speaking our frustrations would cause the problems to grow. In the end, I think not saying the things we appreciate causes the love not to grow.

In conclusion, be more grateful and express appreciation in your relationships. It should turn out well.

Book Review: Rising Strong (Brene Brown)

"It's so hard to be face down on the arena floor, but if you open your eyes when you're down there and take a minute to look around, you get a completely new perspective of the world. You see more struggle - more conflict and suffering. It can make you more compassionate if you open your eyes and look around while you're down there."

When Nikki dropped off this book for me to read, she sat down in my living room and we caught up on life. Her uncle had just died a few days before, and she described to me how she could hardly even drive back from Colorado when she heard the news because she was crying so hard. It felt like a piece of her was gone. When she got home, for the first time in her life she has absolutely no motivation to do ANYtHiNg. This was something she had never experienced before.

As I sat there listening to her I had tears streaming down my face. Just a few days before a guy I had really liked broke up with me - so my emotions were especially sensitive.  In hearing about her pain I could empathize on a level that I normally couldn't. It was like I could feel her pain. So when I read the bolded text above, it really rang true to me. When you are down, you can understand the struggle in others better. (It seems I read Brene Brown's books whenever I've just gone through a break up. I read Daring Greatly after my last break up.) Honestly though, I think that is the perfect time to read them because it gives you a sense of purpose as you lean into your pain and cope with it in a healthy way.

"Hurt is hurt, and every time we honor our own struggle and the struggles of others by responding with empathy and compassion, the healing that results affects all of us."

This book is about how to get up after you have chosen to be vulnerable and fallen down. 

"Choosing to be vulnerable involves risk, which means you have a likelihood of failure. Heartbreak and hurt is part of the process."

Here are my favorite quotes from the book:

"If we are going to put ourselves out there and love with our whole hearts, we're going to experience heartbreak." pg. xx

"The problem is, when we stop caring what people think and stop being hurt by cruelty, we lose our ability to connect." Pg. 4

"But when we are defined by what people think, we lose the courage to be vulnerable. Therefore, we need to be selective about the feedback we let into our lives. For me, if you're not in the arena getting your [rear] kicked, I'm not interested in your feedback." Pg. 4

"Fortune may favor the bold, but so does failure." Pg. 4

"Courage transforms the emotional structure of our being." Pg. 5

"Creativity is the ultimate act of integration - it is how we fold our experiences into our being." 

 I LOVE this concept. Creativity is the process of integration.

"Humans are feeling machines that think."

"When you are on your path, 

the universe will conspire to help you."

"Experience and success don't give you easy passage through the middle space of struggle."

"Experience doesn't create even a single spark of love guy in the darkness of the middle space. It only stills in you a little bit of faith in your ability to navigate the dark."

The following quotes really made me think. I sometimes don't hold up my boundaries where I should, and I often think of it as a good thing. But my mother, who is one of the very finest people I know, holds her boundaries, and as I thought about it, all of the best and happiest people I know do. They aren't unkind, but they are kind to themselves too, and they hold their boundaries. She tells some great stories about how she processed and arrived at these truths.

"How can we expect people to put value on our work when we don't value ourselves enough to set and hold uncomfortable boundaries?"

"We don't judge people when we feel good about ourselves." P. 117 

"There is no integrity in blaming or turning to it's not fair and I deserve. I need to take responsibility for my own well-being."

"I'm not good enough and I'm better than you are two sides of the same coin. Both are attacks on our worthiness. We don't compare when we are feeling good about ourselves; we look for what's good in others. Self-righteousness is just the armor of self-loathing."

"As miserable as resentment, disappointment, and frustration make us feel, we fool ourselves into believing that they're easier than the vulnerability of a difficult conversation."

"What boundaries do I need to put in place so I can work from a place of integrity and extend the most generous interpretations of the intentions, words, and actions of others?"

"Integrity is choosing courage over comfort; choosing what is right over what is fun, fast, or easy; and choosing to practice our values rather than simply professing them."

"I am going to be generous in my assumptions and intentions while standing solidly in my integrity and being very clear about what's acceptable and what's not acceptable."

"Hold people accountable for their actions in a way that acknowledges their humanity."

"People learn how to treat us based on how they see us treating ourselves."

"If I don't put value on my work and my time, neither will the person I'm helping."

"Boundaries are a function of self respect and self love."

"Even on the rare occasion when living BIG leaves me feeling vulnerable, I'm still left standing squarely in my integrity."

"Expectations are resentments waiting to happen." Anne Lamott

"As I lay in bed that night, my curiosity showed up, as it often does, as a prayer." 

P 161

I love this.

May you always do for others and let others do for you. 

Bob Dylan

"Wholehearted was is as much about receiving as it is about giving."

P 179

Trust - choosing to risk making something you value vulnerable to another person's actions. P. 198

Power - the ability to achieve our purpose and effect change. P. 201

"We are most dangerous to ourselves and the people around us when we feel powerless." Pg. 201

"Hope is a cognitive process!!!" Pg. 202

"Hope is a function of struggle."

"Sometimes the most uncomfortable learning is the most powerful."

"We can't compartmentalize our selves. We have to put our whole selves on the table, good, bad and ugly."

Nikki and I were discussing the book on our run this morning, and we agree. This book along with Daring Greatly should be on a must read list for everyone.

How to Accomplish Your Perennial New Year's Resolutions

My perennial new year's resolutions have been to learn piano and Spanish.

Today, in my usual anticlimactic way of finishing my major life accomplishments - 

I finally finished learning piano!! 

I quietly crossed it off of my life goals and ate dinner.

So how did I do it, and what made this time different?

(1) Pomodoro Technique - Pick a reward for yourself, and set a timer for 20 minutes, and work on your task for 20 minutes. I learned about this technique in a class I took a couple of years ago. It was taught as a method to overcome procrastination. As they said in the class, you can do anything for 20 minutes. They explained that choosing a treat for yourself activated the limbic portion of the brain and helped you stay motivated.

As I applied this technique, I found it to be really effective for me. Suddenly things that had been on my list of things to do forever were getting done when I committed myself to work on them for 20 minutes. There is something about not feeling like you have to do this dreaded task for a long time. Just 20 little minutes.

I started applying this to piano because I hated reading notes. It was so arduous! But I could subject myself to 20 minutes of torture and be done for the day. And it was torture for me - at first.

(2) Timing - I went running one morning and when I came home I decided to sit down at the piano for my 20 minutes. Oddly, I noticed that points in the songs that were normally very frustrating for me I could work through much more easily. This surprised me, but it was a great discovery. I learned that when I approach a task is important. There are times when I am better at working on a hard task than others. I am more sluggish when I am tired, and best after running.

(3) 20 hours - As I was ever so slowly progressing at piano, my brother sent me this TED talk. The speaker said that you could learn anything in 20 hours. This became my new target. This is important because goals are most effectively set when they are quantifiable. This 20 hour notion gave me something specific to work toward. At 20 hours, I would consider this goal accomplished.

(4) Tracking - I had read a lot of books about how successful people track things. So I started a note in my phone and started specifically tracking my practice.

This is my total log:

Piano - goal 20 hours - 1200 min, 60 sessions

9/14/15 - 20 min

9/17/15 - 20 min

9/19/15 - 10 min

9/22/15 - 20 min (1 hour 10 min)

9/25/2015 - 20 min (1.5 hours. 18.5 to go)

9/26/2015 - 20 min (1 h 50 m. 18 h 10 min to go)

9/30/2015 - 16 min (2 h 6 min. 17 h 56 min)

10/13/15 - 17 min. (2h 22 min)

10/15/15 - 16 min. (2 h 38 min)

10/20/2015 - 20 min. (2 h 58 min)

10/21/2015 - 22 min. (3 h 18 min)

10/29/2015 - 22 min (3 h 40 min) (16 h 20 min left)

11/4/15 - 20 min (4 hours) (16 hours left)

11/07/2015 - 20 min (4 h 20 m) (15 h 40 m left)

11/10/2015 - 20 minutes (4 h 40 m) (15 h 20 min left)

11/30/15 ish 40 min  (5 h 20 min) 14 h  40 min left

12/09/15 - 20 min (5 h 40 min) 14 h 20 min remaining.

1/3/16 - 20 min. 6 hours down. 14 to go.

1/4/16 - 20 min 6 h 20 min down 13 h 40 min to go

1/7/16 - 20 min 6 h 40 down, 13h 20 min to go

1/9/16 - 60 min 7 h 40 min down, 12 h 20 min to go

1/13/16 - 20 min. 8 hours down, 12 h remaining.

1/16/16 - 40 min 8 h 40 m done. 11 h 20 min to go

1/17/16 - 120 m. 11 h 40 m done. 8 h 20 min To go.

1/19/2016 - 20 min. 12 h done. 8 h to go.

1/20/16 - 40 min. 12h40m. 7h20m

1/21/16 - 20 min 13 h. 7 h to go.

1/24/16 - 40 min. 14h40m. 6h20m

1/25/16 - 80 min. 16h. 5h.

1/26/16 - 60m. 17h. 4h.

1/30/16 - 20m. 17h20m. 3h40m.

2/1/16 - 20m. 17h40m. 3h20m.

2/6/16 - 60m 18h40m 1h20m.

2/7/16 - 80 min. 20 h 0 min.

Goal Complete!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(5) Method - My roommate keeps a three ring binder of music that she is working on, so I decided to do the same. I photocopied the 12 songs I wanted to learn. Eventually, I put them in order from easiest to hardest, When I got frustrated with the hard, I'd go back to the easy. When I was fresh back from running, or feeling more capable, I'd switch to the hard. 

Eventually, I started highlighting the challenging parts of the songs. When I would practice the song, I would work through the hard parts first, and then play the song through.

I accomplished something I never thought would be possible for me. Obviously, I'm no Mozart, but when push comes to shove, I can now read music. 

Now, when I am looking at a song I think - I can learn that. 

And it feels great.

Official 2015 Stats

Backstory of Year End Stat Tradition: Here 

Number of siblings: 4

Number of siblings married this year: 1

Number of married siblings: 4

Number of new nieces and nephews: 2

Number of new solutions given to get me married:  1

(For the curious:  boss's brother suggested that if marrying a Mormon doesn't work he could set me up with some Mennonites in Sweet Springs, Missouri. Probably my favorite dating suggestion ever.)

Number of proposed dating methods used:  0

Number of guys who I randomly found sleeping in my car: 1



Number of people who considered this an alternative dating method for meeting guys: 1 (not me)

Number of boys I went on a date with that I met on an airplane: 1

Number of proposals:  0

Number of fake engagements: 1

Number of real engagements: 0

Number of boyfriends:  2

Number of breakups: 1

Number of hair colors: 2



Number of new cars: 1 (sorry, I neglected to take a picture)

Total number of cars owned to date: 3

Number of old mission companions I had lunch with surrounded by wine bottles: 1



Number of friend's weddings attended: 1

Number of helicopter flights: 1

Number of Small Air Plane Flights: 1

Number of out-of-state road trips:  6



Number of out-of-state trips: 15

Number of times we took this photo: A billion











Number of countries memorized: 196

Number of the countries visited:  0

Number of states visited this year:  20

Number of different places I attended church:  17

Number of pretty amazing foot ball games attended: 1

Number of Cardinals games attended: 2

Number of Cardinals games at which we got TOTALLY drenched: 1

Number of hockey games attended:  1

Number of totally awesome birthdays: 1 

(Cassie made cake pops after I sent her a picture of a world cake. Check out the detail. You can even see the continents!)

Number of birthdays I almost ruined:  1

Number of times I wore my 4th of July pants:  1

Favorite city of 2015: San Francisco



Life Ambitions Fulfilled:  See the redwoods, Ruby Caves, and Alcatraz